CanSkeptic

2010-11-14T18:30:00.000-05:00

2010-05-27T11:35:00.000-04:00

Do I have anything to say?

2010-03-22T20:54:00.001-04:00

That's the question, really. Should I start blogging again...

Come Together

2008-06-07T12:49:00.003-04:00

"Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions."

2007-05-18T13:31:00.000-04:00

According to Mark Morford at SFGate.com, the above quote can be attributed to the late and - unfortuantely - lamented Jerry Falwell.

It's out of context, of course. I don't personally know what the Reverend Falwell was yammering about when he said that. But I'm willing to bet that I disagreed with it. I disagreed with just about everything I've ever heard him say, so I figure it's a safe bet. Jerry believed - or said he believed - that God had revealed a truth to him, and that this truth involved hating gays, liberals, foreigners... everyone who wasn't Jerry Falwell, basically. A lot of his stronger statements drew protests, but never an apology. Not even this one, form the 13th of September 2001:

And, I know that I'll hear from them for this. But, throwing God out successfully with the help of the federal court system, throwing God out of the public square, out of the schools. The abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad. I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way — all of them who have tried to secularize America — I point the finger in their face and say "you helped this happen.

Yep. Nearly 3000 Americans died because, in part, of Jm J Bullock and Ellen Degeneres.

I'm happy to say the opposition to this kind of hate-mongering in the name of religion is seriously stepping up. The glorious interweb is a hotbed of valid Skeptic dialogue (as well as less-valid dogma-bashing), and the Agnostic and Athiest segments of society are finally finding a voice. Please do yourself a favour, and check out the following:

Kirk Cameron and his banana-loving buddy Ray Comfort are challenged to present scientific evidence of the existence of God (challenged only because they claimed they could) and are given no less a platform than ABC's Nightline from which to do it. They are opposed by The Rational Response Squad, a pair of outspoken skeptics. ABC's website offers the entire "debate" as free (with commercials) streaming video.

Christopher Hitchens is nearly impossible to argue against. It doesn't matter if you think he's right or wrong, he simply knows more than you do, and is much, much better at speaking to his point. His skills as a debator are enhanced by a dry, acerbic wit that can be devastating to those he deems unworthy, which seems to be almost everyone. He has at times said things as least as offensive as Falwell's comments, but unlike the late Reverend (an honourific Hitchens abhors) Christopher can usually back his statements up with case study and precedence. His new book "God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything" is at least as provocative as the title suggests, and he got a chance to defend his point of view against another Reverend, erstwhile Presidential Candidate Al Sharpton. Slate magazine, for which Hitchens writes a regular column, has complete video of the event.

Hitchens has his own take on Jerry Falwell, as well. Quite the Eulogy, Chris.

But the biggest anti-God guy of the year has got to be Richard Dawkins. The Oxford University professor, sometimes called "Darwin's Bulldog" has been doing a world tour to promote his book, "The God Delusion", in which he uses many tools, not least his own considerable scientific knowledge, to refute the idea that God exists at all. His two-part BBC documentary "The Root Of All Evil" explores similar themes to Hitchens' "God Is Not Great", and a new documentary is apparently in the works. Recently he stopped by CBC's the Hour.

There's a lot of video out there. Unedited, free and unabashedly skeptical. Spread the word.

rAmen, brothers.

The Near-The-End-Of-The-Season Report

2007-04-13T17:00:00.000-04:00

Late in February Craig (late of the blogosphere) asked what I thought of the current T.V. Season in general. I responded in far too much detail. Here, with a few updates to cover the six weeks, is what I've been watching...

I'm generally pretty up on this season, more so than the nets, apparently, who canceled a couple of shows I liked.

New shows that are keepers:

30 Rock: Alec Baldwin is hilarious. This show has been consistently hilarious.
Jericho: This one came back strong after it's hiatus.
Knights Of Prosperity: This one will probably fade on me, but for now I'm enjoying it. (update: it faded.)
Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip: Not as strong lately as when it kicked off, and getting put on hold in favour of "The Donnellys" won't help, but I still like it. Still waiting on official word of a cancellation, hoping against hope for a pick-up.
Shark: It's all about James Woods, which is fine with me. His daughter is getting annoying, though.
Heroes: Of course. Time-travel stupidity aside, I do like this show. And by the start of the next season, it'll be okay to lust after the cheerleader.

New shows that aren't:

The Nine: Gave up after three or four episodes. The net gave up after only a couple more.
Vanished: Aptly titled. Already canned.
Friday Night Lights: I just don't care about football. My problem, I guess.

Shows that I wish stuck around:

Justice: I really enjoyed Victor Garber as the unethical lawyer, but that ended up as a show-down between Garber and James Woods on 'Shark', and I don't think anyone ever doubted who the winner there would be. U.K.'s ITV aired a couple of eps that never got play in the U.S.
Smith: Not sure if this would have been great or not, but the acting was excellent, and three episodes was not enough time to really develop.
Daybreak: I was enjoying this, and I've managed to download a bunch more episodes that never aired, but I haven't got around to watching them yet. Maybe it starts to suck, soon.

Away from the major networks, I'm big on Psych, the not-really-a-psychic detective show on USA, and so far I'm enjoying The Dresden Files from Sci-Fi. Caught the first season of a U.K. show called Primeval (the second is greenlit) and really enjoyed it.

Kidnapped, Men In Trees, Runaway, Standoff, Ugly Betty, Brothers And Sisters... can't even think of the others I never bothered trying with. Most of the new sitcoms.

For returning series, both Veronica Mars and Lost are way less interesting this season. I thought the Liev Schreiber story arc on C.S.I. was really interesting, as was/is the Miniature Killer ongoing plot. On the L&O side of things, the two ex-Conviction cast members (who are both very hot) are fitting in nicely as detectives. Jennifer Love Hewitt is wearing some wonderfully revealing clothing this season on Ghost Whisperer but Medium continues to actually be a better show. Battlestar's finale ROCKED. The Atlantis finale was... interesting. So what, they're Voyager now? And in a recent SG-1, Vala Mal Doran dressed up in daisy dukes, so hooray. I'm going to miss that show. Criminal Minds benefits from the recent inclusion of Paget Brewster. Monk is still Monk, cute but insubstantial. House was on the verge of losing me with the David Morse storyline, but has been good since. We need more Lisa Edelstein! Supernatural is really good. Funny, good, action, nice mix of monster of the week/ongoing story. Solid stuff. And Las Vegas is a babe-filled wonderland. I'm very worried about the loss of James Caan (and a bit about the loss of Nikki Cox) next season. We'll see how Tom Selleck does...

A Chest Of Nipples

2007-04-13T15:08:00.000-04:00

That's my contribution. It's a little gauche, but what the hell.

Collective nouns are often odd, often of obscure origin and often quite fun. We all know "herd of cattle", and players of Trivial Pursuit learned "sleuth of bears", but had you heard of a "cast of hawks" or "peal of bells". "Peal of bells" is a fun one, being a sort-of self contained pun.

Not all of the collective nouns are officially recognized by dictionary compilers. Look up "cast" at Merriam Webster Online, for example, and there's nary a hawk mentioned. But they can be fun, and contribute to a more picturesque language all the same.

I was put in mind of collective nouns today by James Randi (nicely recovered from his heart ailments of the past year, and going on the attack against the woo-woos with renewed vigor). Randi wrote on his Swift commentary today:

I’ve invented a few collective nouns, which I think is a distinct service to the language. (A collective noun is one that designates a group of specific things. For example, the collective noun for “sheep” is “flock,” and for “geese” – when not flying! – is “gaggle.”) I choose to refer to a gathering of psychics as a “giggle,” for conmen, it’s a “fleece,” and for prophets, a “failure.” One wag on the JREF Forum came up with “Congress” as a collective for conmen, but that was unkind. I use an “absence” for a group of homeopaths, I refer to a “confusion” of parapsychologists, and a “cackle” of witches. Palmists are gathered as a “handful,” it’s a “struggle” of astrologers, and more than three phrenologists become a “bump.” And a group of spoonbenders can be called, a “desperation.”

I’m sure there are many more. Any offerings…?

And that reminded me of this offering, from author Jack Whyte...

LE MOT JUST...
We were arguing one evening, as the sun was going down,
About the names we give to groups: The old Collective Noun.
We had gone through prides of lions; schools of fish; brigades of foot,
When I wondered, "What's collective for the poor old prostitute?"

Well! I felt as though I'd stepped upon a hidden hornets' nest,
For each man proposed an answer, and each swore his was the best!
We'd a treasury of trollops, and a tragedy of trulls;
An entire Who's Who of hookers and a calamity of culls...

We'd a pastry cook among us who, in tribute to his arts,
Put forth the obvious image of a tempting tray of tarts,
While a fishmonger there present, who was more than slightly nuts,
Proposed the odious and malodorous catchphrase "a slab of sluts!"

Then our resident militiaman cried out "A troop of tramps!"
But he was shouted down in favour of a vile vendue of vamps;
A convention of solicitors; a haggling horde of whores;
Such invention for the ladies whom society deplores!

No, the task of giving pride of place was not a simple one.
The concubinage of courtesans might easily have won,
Or the hostile hiss of hustlers, but we had to share the rose
Between a bright fanfare of strumpets and an anthology of pros...

Check out Randi's writing here, and Jack's here.

And add your own collective nouns in the comments section, please. (Hmm... a "Bunch of Bloggers", a "Web of Bloggers", an "Annoyance of Bloggers...")

Imus Isn't Funny, He Also Isn't Criminal

2007-04-12T13:33:00.000-04:00

MSNBC has decided to stop airing Imus in the morning. This will disrupt my daily routine not at all.

Don Imus is sort-of the grandfather of shock jocks, known for being abrasively funny and politically incorrect before Howard Stern was even in radio. He has said a number of blatantly stupid and insulting things over the years. His recent remarks were not even close to being the worst.

In a recent airing of his show - which went out live on CBS radio and MSNBC - Imus described members of the Rutger's university women's basket ball team (consisting of a mix of black and white students) as being "nappy headed hos". He laughed as he said it. Clearly, he was joking. The incident can be viewed here, in a clip that includes enough of the show to give context for the 'joke'.

I think we learn two things from watching the clip in it's entirety:

1) Don Imus, whether he is personally racist or not, is not hesitant about using racial stereotypes as the basis for humour.

2) Don Imus is not funny.

Imus could very well be fired. CBS has done it before, for pretty much exactly the same reason. But they'll be firing him for the wrong reasons. He shouldn't be fired for saying something "offensive". He should be fired for saying something "not funny."

I mean, c'mon! You decide it's okay to do racial humour, and the best you can come up with is "nappy headed hos"? Why no Jungle Bunny jokes? No Spearchuckers? You didn't mention fried chicken and watermelon ONCE, you hack!

Let me give you an example of how unfunny Imus is. One of his first big "classic" bits was to call up a restaurant and order 1200 hamburgers. And then... laugh about it. That's the whole bit! Calling up some poor shmuck who's trying to make a living in the zero-margin world of burger flipping and ruin his day. Get this: Imus loved this bit so much HE NAMED A FUCKING RECORD AFTER IT.

Let shock-jocks be shocking. But don't let them be banal. Fire Imus.

Oh, and Whoopi Goldberg should go to hell, the hypocrite.

Just Asking...

2007-04-12T12:47:00.000-04:00

Why don't eggs taste like chicken?

Just wondering.

The (im) Perfect Bacon Sandwich

2007-04-11T08:53:00.000-04:00

How can they call it the perfect bacon sandwich when they aren't even using any peanut butter? That's just wrong, I tell you.

Elvis would not approve.

And that British bacon... if I wanted a small pork chop, I'd eat a small pork chop. Bacon is supposed to be thin, and crisp.

As Adam Carolla says, "it's the candy of meat."

Mmm... bacon.

Captive Audience

2007-04-11T08:43:00.000-04:00

Imagine the following scenario:

You are an engineer. At an early morning meeting, a recently fired employee makes an unexpected appearance demanding his job back. The argument escalates, the fired man pulls out a pistol, and kills someone. Suddenly you're at mercy of a madman with a gun...

Or

You are a defense lawyer. At a meeting with the members of your firm, a strange man barges in with a former client of yours in tow. The strange man has a pistol, and is demanding that your former client's trial be re-enacted by those present at the meeting, as he is sure the man is guilty of killing his (the stranger's) mother. Suddenly, you're at the mercy of a madman with a gun...

Or

You are a prosecutor. At the sentencing of a convicted killer, a distraught man awaiting his own trial steals a service revolver from a bailiff, and holds the entire courtroom hostage, demanding that his case be reviewed as he is innocent. Suddenly you're at the mercy of a madman with a gun...

Or

You are the mayor of a small town, in a country recently devastated by war. The leader of a group of refugees, angry that they are being asked to leave the town, draws a pistol and shoots you, wounding you severely. He refuses to let anyone give you medical attention until the town is told that the refugees can stay. Suddenly you're at the mercy of a madman with a gun...

You don't have to try too hard to imagine these scenarios. Instead, you can watch last week's Medium, Boston Legal, Shark and Jericho. All four shows featured hostage-taking men who were portrayed as sympathetic because of their desperate circumstances. All in the same week. The same week, incidentally, that some actual high-profile hostage taking was in the news.

What I found interesting was how the criminals were portrayed in such a positive light. In Boston Legal and Medium they weren't evil people. They were people who felt they no longer had any choice. And in Jericho and Shark, the actions of the hostage takers were actually vindicated; it turned out they were right all along. I find this strange in light of the way Americans typically feel about anyone who takes hostages in the real world. Is this liberal agenda TV, or did the TV writers just get it, well, wrong?

Well, they ought to be able to get it right now.

More Pilots, Still No Planes...

2006-09-09T17:52:00.000-04:00

Two more sitcoms (ugh) and two dramas. The season remains fairly bland...

Standoff: Ron Livingstone shows absolutely none of the understated comic genius he displayed in "Office Space" as Matt Flannery, a crisis negotiator for the LAPD. I suppose that's fine, as the show is supposed to be a tense high-stakes drama. But the pilot was not tense, the stakes were not high, and the drama wasn't really... dramatic. Flannery is having an affair with his partner, Emily Lehman played by Rosemarie DeWitt, and those scenes REALLY could have used a sense of humour.

The pair display no real chemistry, the cliche situation of partners who compete on the job and make up in bed, and the hardcase lieutenant (played by Gina Torres) who lets the two get away with way too much because "your the best damn negotiators I've got" got tired real fast.

Happy Hour: A spin on the Odd Couple formula sees conservative Henry Beckham (John Sloan) rooming with rat-pack wannabe Larry Cone (Lex Medlin) after his girlfriend throws him out. Larry attempts to turn Max into a party animal, Henry provides Max with a stable influence.

Like the other sitcom offerings this season, there's not a lot original about this, but I still found a couple of things to laugh at. This one's neither bad nor good. Beth Lacke's "Amanda" is at least a different take on the girl-that's-a-friend-but-not-a-girlfriend stock character, playing an interesting combination of ditz and professional woman. Let's hope they keep it up.

'Til Death: Brad Garrett of Everybody Love Raymond (god, I'm so happy that show is gone) takes centre stage as hapless husband Eddie, who finds himself and his wife of many years suddenly comparing their marriage to the newlyweds next door. No precocious kids means this is at least not a cookie-cutter sitcom, but the laugh track and contrived situations do not bode well. Look for Garrett to be the first post-ELR victim to that show's version of the 'Seinfeld curse.'

Smith: Don't let the boring title mislead you, this is a decent little thriller. If not for the open-ended finish, this could easily be a feature film. Ray Liotta leads as Bobby Stevens, a poor man's Danny Ocean, head of a crew of thieves, each with their own specialty. Liotta is excellent in the role (no surprise) as is Virginia Madsen, playing the wife who suspects but doesn't know, and has a host of problems all her own.

The pilot was a single-caper show, giving the impression that we may see a new heist every week. This would seperate the show from last seasons mini series "Thief", starring Andre Braugher. Look for each of the series' supporting players to develop their own personal problems, particularly Amy Smart's Annie.

This was a nice opening effort, with some genuine tension and some cool action sequences. The purpose of some of the activity during the heist seemed a little vague, and was not cleared up despite the fact that we went over it twice. The Alias-style opener in which we see a glimpse of the climax and then flash back was not really effectively used to that end.

Still no gem for the new season. Still waiting to see Rob Cordry and Lenny Clark in "The Winner" and Tina Fey's "30 Rock." But I'm not holding my breath...

Pilots Season (Duck Season, blam!)

2006-09-01T12:55:00.000-04:00

Well, it's been about a month since my last post. I know you've all been very anxious, checking this space daily, and worrying about what may have become of me.

Well, not surprisingly, I've been watching TV.

I've been watching, in fact, a whole pile of the new offerings hitting the networks over the next little while. And what a dissapointing bunch they are. A large number of new shows are using what I would currently call the "Lost" format; a single season- (or series-) long story, with little sub-plots evolving around each individual character. Science fiction is a lot less prevelant than it was this time last year, possibly because of the ultimate failure of shows like Invasion, Surface and Threshold.

Some new stuff so far:

Friday Night Lights: A television re-working of the 2004 Billy Bob Thornton film, which itself was an adaptation of Buzz Bisinger's book. The focus is on high-school football in Texas, and the insane - and I do mean insane - amount of pressure the local community puts on the team, and especially on the coach. If the environment is really like this, and I believe it may be, then the cliche movie character of the loser who has never been able to let go of high-school glory days makes a lot of sense. That is ALL some of these folks live for.

This pilot is really well put together, juggling a very large cast in a way that isn't disorienting. But as a non-sports fan and a non-Texan, the gravitas attached to a high-school sporting event seems strangely overplayed. Expect this one to get very soap-opera, with affairs, back-room dealings and small-town politics making this Dynasty on the gridiron.

Heroes: Superheroes walk amongst us. They just don't know it yet.

They blow this one in the first 30 seconds, but after that it gets good. Superheroes are the vogue right now. X-Men, Batman and Spider-man are doing boffo box-office, and Superman didn't completely suck, so this take on ordinary people finding out extraordinary things about themselves should find a good audience. A very realistic take on people's reactions to their new abilities was fun to watch, and the subtle connections that are hinted at in the pilot should lead to some interesting developments. Do yourself a favour, though. Don't read the title cards that come up at the beginning. They really, really blow.

Jericho: Gerald McRaney stars as the mayor of Jericho, CO, a small town that just may be the last bit of civilization after some kind of nuclear holocaust. Skeet Ulrich is the prodigal son who returns just in time for the excitement. This could be good. McRaney's performance in the pilot is excellent, and the writing is tight and things could develop nicely here. I wonder about the longevity of a series like, this. Like "Lost", this is an isolated group in a high-pressure survival situation. After two years of "Lost", I'm a little tired of it. We'll see how "Jericho" fares.

Justice: Victor Garber (Alias, Titanic) stars as a high-profile attorney with a reputation for getting the guilty acquitted. The Fox Network show is a slicker, more stylish version of NBC's abortive Trial By Jury from last season, with the focus on the defense side instead of the prosecution. As always with Fox 'dramas', one wonders if the show isn't too stylized for it's own good. Garber is good, and has a strong supporting cast including Eamonn Walker from HBOs late and lamented Oz.

A nice twist is the very end of pilot episode, where we find out what REALLY happened, after listening to both prosecution and defense put forth their cases and never knowing who to believe. But that single innovation may not be enough to save the show from being lost admist the glut of murder-focused dramas on the small screen.

Kidnapped: This one is gonna have a tough time, being up against the very similar "Vanished" (see below). The son of a high profile businessman is kidnapped, and rather than call in the FBI he calls in a rogue expert (deftly portrayed by the excellent Jeremy Sisto). Of course the FBI figures out that something is up, and soon the rogue and the bureau must pool their efforts to save the boy.

This single kidnapping is presumably supposed to be the plot for the entire season, or perhaps series depending on how long they can keep audiences interested. Expect every single family member, friend, business associate and perhaps even cop to have a skeleton in their closet that comes into play at some point. This is a movie idea made into a series, and they're going to have to work hard to keep it up.

Knights Of Prosperity: The only actual original idea amongst the crop of new sitcoms so far this fall. Donal Logue (The Tao Of Steve, Grounded For Life) stars as a blue-collar everyman who, frustrated by his lack of success in life, hatches a plot to rob Mick Jagger's New York City apartment. He enlists a crew of fellow losers (and one very hot chick) and wackiness ensues.

I gotta admit, I laughed quite a bit at this. Mostly at the semi-surreal glimpses of Jagger's New York life, presented as a series of "Lifestyles Of The Rich And Famous" type clips. Again, though, this seems to be a one-shot idea. More development required.

Our Thirties, The Class, The Singles Table: Why am I lumping all of these in together? Because they are completely interchangeable. Thinly veiled attempts at replacing the gaping hole left by the demise of Friends (no, seriously, some people miss that show) we have three different groups of thrity-somethings, who met in three different ways and each of whom have their own amusing quirks, and yet we end up with three identical sit-coms.

I don't want to sound too harsh. Each has it's charm. Peter "I'm the voice of Darth Maul" Serafinowicz is funny in "Our Thirties", "The Singles Table" is filmed single camera, with a much better look and no laugh track, and "The Class" ... well okay, not all of them have charm. In short, I wasn't a fan of Friends, and I don't need something to replace it.

Raines: This, I think, is set up as a mid-season replacement, waiting in the wings for the inevitable failure of some other show. This is JACS (Just another cop show) but they have all got a twist these days, and this one is no exception. Homicide detective Raines, played by Jeff Goldblum, talks to the victims of the crimes he investigates. They talk back. The victims, of course, are dead.

It's made clear early on that this not Ghost Whisperer with a badge. For one thing, Mr. Goldblum's breasts are not nearly as nice as Jennifer Love Hewitt's. But also, Raines isn't really talking ot the dead. This is just a cop with an overactive imagination, who has come up with an elaborate mechanism to talk to himself. As with any cop show (except Law & Order), the mysteries play second fiddle to the appeal of the hero, and Goldblum's trademark quirkiness serves him well here.

Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip: Aaron Sorkin, creator of the late, great West Wing, brings his walk-and-talk writing and liberal baggage to the world of televsion comedy in this hour-long dramady set backstage at a Saturday-Night-Live-esque sketch show. A stellar cast, including Amanda Peet, Matthew Perry (who I remember more from his excellent guest turn on West Wing then from his 9 year stint on Friends) and Sorkin alumns Bradley Whitford and Timothy Busfield all bring serious game to the show. Sorkin's writing has always sparkled with wit, and the setting of professional comic actors at work really lets him cut loose with that.

My only quibble is that the show's serious moments hold the same weighty self-importance as the serious moments of West Wing did. But we're not talking about world wars here, folks. We're talking about a late night comedy show. They'll have to be wary of their own significance here.

The Angriest Man In Suburbia: What can I say? Another sit-com straight out of the formula box. Wacky dad, precocious kid, hot and over-understanding mom. The shot on this one is the acts of violent rage committed by the central character Bill, portrayed by Mitch Rouse. One or two over-the-top outbursts can make for great comedy, but as the premise for a character - and a series - it's more than a little disconcerting. Especially played in scenes with his kids.

The Black Donnellys: Don't get your hopes up, Canadians. Despite the title, this show has nothing to do with the famous historical Canadian family, massacred in 1880. Instead, it's about a gang of young Irish brothers on the streets of New York, who find themselves caught up in the turf wars and gangland activity between the Irish and Italian mobs. The show plays like a wannabe Scorsese flick, cut for TV. This could shape up into a low-rent Sopranos, but this pilot shows that they've got a long way to go before reaching such heights.

The Nine: Good performances by a talented cast made this pilot more compelling than most I've seen so far this season, but the premise of the show could quickly get annoying. We are introduced to a cast of characters, most of whom don't know each other at all. They all wind up in the same bank at the same time, just as a robbery happens. Flash forward more than two full days. Our nine heroes emerge from the bank having endured a grueling hostage situation. Each has been changed by their shared experience.

There could be some really good stuff, here. Clearly a lot of things happened in the 52 interveneing hours, but we are shown none of it in the pilot. Presumably, flashbacks will play a large part in future episodes. Hopefully, the show's writers have solid ideas about what happened and how they're going to reveal it to the audience. Otherwise, this could get messy and boring real fast. Tim Daly (what happened to Eyes? I loved that show!), Chi Mcbride and John Billingsly all do great work here.

Traveler: The official ABC website for this one calls it a meeting of "The Fugitive" with "Enemy Of The State", but neither the iconic TV series nor the action-packed Will Smith vehicle are evoked by the pilot. Which is not to say it's not good. Two attractive twenty-something guys find themselves in way over their heads when they are implicated in a terrorist bombing, having apparently been set up by their college roommate. They head out on the run, fleeing the authorities and searching for the answers to the mystery surrounding them.

Like "Kidnapped" and "Vanished", the conspiracy-theory nature of this show may get a bit thick if it goes on too long. But if they keep everything as fast-paced and tight as the pilot, this may be another water-cooler conversation show.

Vanished: This one's already on, so you may know all about it. In a nutshell, read the description of "Kidnapped", above, and substitute 'congressman's wife' for 'businessman's son'. The entire second paragraph apples completely, though.

We've already seen the second episode of "Vanished", so we can get a better idea of how this is going to play out. It seems that every ep is a day in the investigation, and tempers and accusations will escalate accordingly. So far, it's good enough that I'll stick around for episode three. This doesn't seem to have the in-your-face brashness that is the hallmark of so many Fox shows. A defter hand is at work.

And that's it so far.

The sad thing is, nothing is really exciting this year. The pilot for Lost two season's ago, and the pilot for My Name Is Earl last season were mind-blowingly good. Nothing seems anywhere near that promising this time around. I guess I'll just have to wait for Battlestar Galactica to come back on the air.

Watch this space for more pilot-bashing as I view them.

James Bond Mini-Update

2006-07-31T13:40:00.000-04:00

A fire has claimed the Albert Broccoli 007 Soundstage, the stage at Pinewood Studios where many of James Bond's greatest moments were filmed. BBC News reports on the blaze here.

As sad as the loss of such a historic (as far as film goes, anyway) place may be, I find myself more disturbed by this little comment:

The stage had been transformed into a replica Venice where the film, with a reported budget of £39m ($72m), is partly based.

Sigh. The action of Casino Royale, in any of it's three incarnations, goes nowhere near Venice. Why, oh why must they mess with Bond? Just tell the damn story, people.

Watch this space for some thoughts on Fleming's original Bond Novel, the 1954 made for TV version and the 1967 spoof. Learn all you need to know to be a total Bond-snob when the new film comes out in November!

George Bush "Sunday Bloody Sunday"

2006-07-27T16:31:00.000-04:00

Wow. Amazing editing job. I suppose there's supposed to be some kind of irony associated with G.W. singing this tune, but I'm not sure it's all that pointed...

Still. Really well done.


Thanks to http://onegoodmove.org and Rx @ http://thepartyparty.com/ Greets to arstechnica!

Another One Bites The Dust

2006-07-26T13:11:00.000-04:00

Queen. Star Trek. Red Shirts. 'Nuff Said.

New Friendly Blogs

2006-07-25T11:37:00.000-04:00

Well, not new exactly. Some of them have been around for a while, but I kept forgetting to link them.

So here they are:

Gord's Rants And Raves.
Run by Gord of "A Little Bite Of Magic Cheese" fame, a seperate blog for non-magic related raving and ranting.

Take Off, Eh?
The political side of Rob from "AnotherStinkingBlog". Focus on Canada, and our politics. No really, it's interesting.

The Brambleshot Papers
A novel in blog form, by Tom of "Cabbages & Kings". Funny, funny stuff. He should write faster.

Also, "The Grumpy Snail" is up and running again, and I removed the link to "Things You Should Care About", as it's sort of been abandoned.

Check 'em out, folks!

Hey! It's Ricky Jay!

2006-07-19T16:02:00.000-04:00

What I want to know is why Gord hasn't done a post about either:

a) how excited he is about Chris Nolan's upcoming film "The Prestige"

or

b) how badly Chris Nolan's upcoming film "The Prestige" is going to suck.

Aside from Christian Bale, Scarrlett Johansson and Hugh Jackman, the trailer also affords us brief glimpses of Ricky Jay, one of the best card-slingers in the biz, and David Bowie who has the amazing magican-like power of scoring with Iman.

What's up Gord? We're waiting...

They Might Be Giants

2006-07-14T13:26:00.000-04:00

Man, I love TMBG. Great band.

And I've always has fond memories of the Tiny Tunes videos made for a couple of their songs.

Now, thanks to YouTube, so can you...

And also...

What is up with Triangle Man? That guy's got attitude.

Careful There, Mike Mandell

2006-07-12T13:24:00.000-04:00

I just read this article, describing some unusually specific language in the laws found in the Canadian Criminal Code. One section reminded me of this piece from James Randi's commentary, about laws prohibiting mediums from deceiving people in New Zealand.

The article quotes in part from this section of the Canadian Criminal Code:

365. Every one who fraudulently
( a) pretends to exercise or to use any kind of witchcraft, sorcery, enchantment or conjuration,
( b) undertakes, for a consideration, to tell fortunes, or
(c) pretends from his skill in or knowledge of an occult or crafty science to discover where or in what manner anything that is supposed to have been stolen or lost may be found,
is guilty of an offence punishable on summary conviction.

Wow. Can't say as I've ever seen that enforced anywhere around here. I guess the trick is in deciding who is performing these acts 'fraudulently' and who is doing so... umm... honestly? No, that can't be right...

Miss Jaime Pressly

2006-07-12T10:53:00.000-04:00

In my post about the Emmys, I included a link to a picture of Jaime Pressly. The link died. So I put in a new one. It died. I'd like to think it's because of the incredible amount of traffic generated by my blog, but I think we all know (all both of us) that that's not true.

So I've fixed the link again, and I think this time it won't die.

And just as an attempt to make things up to people...

Try.

Clicking.

Here.

And.

Here.

There. Hope that's good for you.

I'm On The Interweb!

2006-07-10T08:56:00.000-04:00

Check out Kingpin's Blog. Watch the movie trailer. At least one of those people should look familiar to you. No? Try looking at the picture in the top left corner of your screen... now watch the trailer again...

And if not that, check out this guy, and then watch the trailer again...

Hardware Wars

2006-07-06T16:46:00.000-04:00

No, not the Star Wars parody...

The 58th list of Emmy nominations came out today and it's really, really familiar looking. to someone like me, who watches a lot of television, the Emmy's should be a big deal, but the same-old-same-old nature of the nods (and the general lameness of the actual show) makes the whole thing dull.

Let's start by saying this: I am always happy that Shatner is getting nominated. I'll be sure and congratulate him when I meet him this summer.

But as this article points out, the same names crop up a lot. This is Shatner's third nod in a row (the first was as a guest star on The Practise, the second and third as a regular on Boston Legal, all for the same character.) In its first couple of years, The West Wing absorbed the best actor and best supporting categories like a sponge, and was only challenged at all by Sopranos. The casts of Everybody Loves Raymond, Friends, Frasier and Will & Grace all got nominated over and over again while their shows were on. Back in the day, Michael J. Fox was nominated five times each for Spin City and Family ties (he won four).

So this year the idea was to add a couple of steps to the nominating process in the hopes of widening the focus a little. My friend Vee informs me that the new system was informally called the Lauren Graham system. Sorry, Ms. Graham, no dice. You didn't make the cut (again!) and neither did your new-network cohorts from Veronica Mars, or from the recently cancelled Everwood. It's Big Four and HBO all the way, with Showtime poking it's head in a bit.

My picks, below, are based entirely on who I think SHOULD win, not who I think WILL win. I would not attempt to predict the Academy.

Outstanding Comedy Series
Nominees:
"Arrested Development"
"Curb Your Enthusiasm"
"The Office"
"Scrubs"
"Two and a Half Men"

It's a crime that Fox cancelled this, but they held onto it much longer than they have for other ratings-challenged shows. The four episodes that made up the two-hour finale may be the funniest television so far this century.

Outstanding Drama Series
Nominees:
"Grey's Anatomy"
"House, M.D."
"The Sopranos"
"24"
"The West Wing"

As much as I'm a fan of other shows in this category, they have had much better seasons than they had this year (relative new-comer Grey's Anatomy aside). But "House" was just hitting its stride in its second year, and showcased some really excellent performances by a strong regular cast, talented guests and impeccable lead Hugh Laurie.

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series
Nominees:
Steve Carell for "The Office"
Larry David for "Curb Your Enthusiasm"
Kevin James for "The King of Queens"
Tony Shalhoub for "Monk"
Charlie Sheen for "Two and a Half Men"

I'm only familiar with two of these shows, so... Is what "Tony Shalhoub" does in Monk better than what Steve Carell does in "The Office"? Apples and oranges. I'll say this: while both are doing excellent work, Steve Carell is doing pure comedy, while what Shalhoub does is a mixed bag. Because of the category, I'll go with Carell.

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series
Nominees:
Peter Krause for "Six Feet Under"
Denis Leary for "Rescue Me"
Christopher Meloni for "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit"
Martin Sheen for "The West Wing"
Kiefer Sutherland for "24"

I'd like to Chris Meloni pick up the hardware here, just because I'm tired of the focus on Mariska Hargitay for that show. Sheen, Krause and Sutherland both did mch better work in earlier seasons. Leary is good on Rescue Me, but it's such an ensemble piece that it's hard to single out his performance (which may not be the best that Show has to offer). Hugh Laurie's absence from this category is a crime.

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series
Nominees:
Frances Conroy for "Six Feet Under"
Geena Davis for "Commander in Chief"
Mariska Hargitay for "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit"
Allison Janney for "The West Wing"
Kyra Sedgwick for "The Closer"

Wow. This is a tough one. As with the Actor category, a lot of these folks were better earlier. Hargitay has been consistantly excellent, but as I said before I'm sort of tired of her character. That said, she probably did the most interesting work out of this group of nominees. She may well take the award that by rights belongs to Kristen Bell for Veronica Mars.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series
Nominees:
Will Arnett for "Arrested Development"
Bryan Cranston for "Malcolm in the Middle"
Jon Cryer for "Two and a Half Men"
Sean Hayes for "Will & Grace"
Jeremy Piven for "Entourage"

Again, my exposure to these shows is limited. I only watch Entourage and Arrested Development. However, it doesn't matter. I will state here that it is impossible for anything being done on network television to be better than what Jeremy Piven is doing on Entourage. He own this award.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series
Nominees:
Alan Alda for "The West Wing"
Michael Imperioli for "The Sopranos"
Gregory Itzin for "24"
Oliver Platt for "Huff"
William Shatner for "Boston Legal"

Tough, tough category. I'm not sure why Shatner is slated as a supporting character on Boston Legal. A lot of plot revolves around him. He's got some steep competition from all these guys, though. Oliver Platt may be doing better work, but his character is so unpleasant that it may work against him. Alan Alda was so good on West Wing, it actually made me believe the shows writers might let a Republican win. But really, this award should have gone to Andy Comeau.

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series
Nominees:
Cheryl Hines for "Curb Your Enthusiasm"
Megan Mullally for "Will & Grace"
Elizabeth Perkins for "Weeds"
Jaime Pressly for "My Name Is Earl"
Alfre Woodard for "Desperate Housewives"

Seriously, Jamie Pressly is hilarious. She's so funny, I sometimes forget to think about how incredibly hot she is. Here, look at this picture. Now imagine laughing at her. No, really. She can make you do it. That's talent.

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series
Nominees:
Candice Bergen for "Boston Legal"
Blythe Danner for "Huff"
Sandra Oh for "Grey's Anatomy"
Jean Smart for "24"
Chandra Wilson for "Grey's Anatomy"

Another tough category. Candice Bergen made me like her, after years of hating Murphy Brown. Jean Smart gave the best performance on 24 this season, all in spite of a ridiculous plot line. And Blythe Danner played an alcoholic, self involved, racist, elitist, manipulative bitch... with a heart. I think she wins.

Outstanding Variety, Music Or Comedy Series
Nominees:
"The Colbert Report"
"The Daily Show"
"Late Night with Conan O'Brien"
"Late Show with David Letterman"
"Real Time with Bill Maher"

The network late-nights are so formula, it's sad. And Real Time had its weakest season to date. Colbert is hilarious, but Stewart has a broader appeal and the Daily show benefits from the regular appearances by their Senior Correspondants. I'm especially partial to resident expert John Hodgeman.

Outstanding Reality Program
Nominees:
"Antiques Roadshow"
"The Dog Whisperer"
"Extreme Makeover: Home Edition"
"Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List"
"Penn & Teller: Bullshit!"

I'll come clean, I don't watch any of the others. But Bullshit is so good, the rest of the shows can just go hang. P&T have been nominated before but kept losing to Queer Eye For The Straight Guy. With that show missing this season, my boys have a shot.

Outstanding Animated Program (Less Than One Hour)
Nominees:
"Camp Lazlo"
"Family Guy"
"Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends"
"The Simpsons"
"South Park"

Why don't they just call this the South Park award? Their topicality, unrelenting satire and out-and-out joke telling leave everything else in the dust.

Absent from the list almost entirely (they got a nod for costumes) was Battlestar Galactica. Seriously, this is one of the best shows on television. Tight, tense writing, really interesting camera work, and amazing, amazing performances. But, the Emmy nominating board (or whatever their called) just don't get Science Fiction. Never mind that the AFI called it - and Veronica Mars - one of the best things on TV this season.

Ah, well. As long Shatner wins, I'm happy.

Well, That's Good To Know

2006-07-04T17:10:00.000-04:00

(No, it's not real. I got it here.)

"Huff": Not A Finale, So Much As A Parole

2006-06-27T22:07:00.000-04:00

After two seasons with the Huffstodt family, I feel like I need counseling myself.

Sunday evening saw the series finale of "Huff", where Hank Azaria plays a psychologist with more issues than his patients, and a family that all need a shrink. Although I can safely say that very little was actually resolved, all of it is now at least over.

Huff may have been the fastest nosedive from good to bad I've ever seen a show take. Even the recently demised Joan of Arcadia took a good twenty episodes to from great to crap. Huff went from an unbelievably compelling first season cliff-hanger in its thirteenth episode, to an I-don't-think-I-can-stomach-these-people-for-another-hour debacle in about six episodes.

Affairs, alcoholism, drug abuse, dead hookers, lies and deceptions - all of these I can deal with. Heck, I watch Sopranos. But in Huff, everybody is so damn whiny and self indulgent about their hard, hard life (hey, is that a Lexus you're driving?) that I feel absolutely no sympathy - and certainly no sense of identification - with any of them.

But I stuck with it to the end, for two reasons. The first is the whole compelling nature of a train wreck thing.

The second is Andy Comeau.

As Teddy Huffstodt, Andy Comeau is eye-poppingly brilliant in every single scene he's in. His character is the older brother of Azaria's titular Craig "Huff" Hoffstodt, and suffers from paranoid schizophrenia. At the start, Huff's end-of-the-episode visits with Teddy acted as a Mork-calling-Orson style wrap up and reflection on what had just occured, but soon Teddy embarked on his own journey.

There's a beef I have with actors who play handicapped, disabled or emotionally challenged characters. I find that too often, the performance becomes about the handicap, rather than being about the character. We find a tell-tale tick, mannerism or other performing "crutch" substitutes for the type of character work an otherwise talented actor would normally do.

(I'll rant about how Dustin Hoffman owes Tom Cruise an Oscar some other time.)

But Andy Comeau's Teddy is multi-layered, rich in emotion and personality and his mental problem informs his performance, rather than dominating it. He gets to play a full range, from being on the right meds, to being on the wrong ones, to not being on any at all, in good situations, bad ones and indifferent, laughing crying, the works.

In the finale, Teddy has had a really bad time, and is once more in a hospital under strict observation, and when his mother comes to visit him, he says nothing of his actual feelings or troubles. Instead, he talks of irrelevant details, and lies unmoving in bed. Literally 45 seconds prior to that scene, I was ready to turn the show off and not bother watching the last five minutes of a show I had seen every single episode of until now. Suddenly, I couldn't turn away.

He is human, and real and is doing some of the best work on TV today.

Or he was. It's cancelled now. And overall, I'm relieved. But I'll miss Teddy.

Robert Duvall "Cowboys Don't Like Deadwood"

2006-06-27T16:54:00.000-04:00

Robert Duvall can bite my shiny metal ass.

Duvall made some comments about the poor calibre of Canadian actors while shooting "Open Range" in Alberta with Kevin Costner. Now the native Califonian spouts off about Deadwood being "a provincial New Yorker's concept of what the West was like."

Bobby? Buddy? Bite me. You want your series to do well? Try making it good, not making something else seem bad. Loser.

Seriously, I love Duvall's work. He's been fantastic in film after film after film. But to hear him spout off like this is so disheartening. It's not that he's not allowed to dislike Deadwood. But it seems so transparently self-serving when he makes a pronouncement like this on the eve of his own Western series debuting.

As far as his opinion on Canadian actors go... well, let's play a hypothetical game. Let's say the supporting actors on Kevin's film were, in fact, terrible. (And let's also assume that they were, in fact Canadian). So why would should they be extra terrible? Try this idea on: You were shooting in Alberta! not exactly known for it's thiving film industry. I would imagine going anywhere where they essentially don't have a film community would make it difficult to find experienced supporting players. The same is probably true of Billings, Montana, or Ottumwa, Iowa or... hell, I don't know... the Channel Islands .

But I think it's more likely that Duvall was doing then exactly what he's doing now... hyping his new project (Secondhand Lions) at the expense of someone else. It's just that in that case, he was involved in both.

Anyway's, Duvall's a jerk. Good actor, though.

T Minus Double-oh-Nine, Double-oh-Eight, Double-Oh-Seven

2006-06-24T21:20:00.000-04:00

The countdown is on for the new James Bond film, Casino Royale. Personally, I can't wait.

I've always loved the Bond films. The early Connery pics are my favourites, but I like 'em all. Yes, I even like George Lazenby. I'm currently in the midst of re-watching the whole lot of them, in order, as a sort of refresher for the new film. At the same time, I'm going to re-read at least a couple of Fleming's original novels.

So I'm just brimming with James Bond minutiae right now. Let me share a few of my favourite bits of 007 trivia with you:

Contrary to the devilishly handsome Hollywood version of the super-spy, in the novel Casino Royale, author Ian Fleming describes Bond as resembling popular musician and songwriter Hoagy Carmichael. I'm not sayin' Hoagy was ugly, but he's no matinee idol...

Sean Connery may be the most popular of the actors to play Bond, but he wasn't actually the first. In 1954, CBS Televsion ran a live (live!) version of Casino Royale as part of their series "Climax!". Far from the slick affairs we've come to know and love, the show was apparently riddled with technical gaffes, flubbed lines and other mishaps. And in that adapatation, James was an American CIA agent played by Barry Nelson (they should've gotten Hoagy...)

Gert Frobe, the German actor who portrayed quintessential Bond villain Auric Goldfinger, barely spoke English when he was cast in the role. Although he learned all his lines in English - reportedly phonetically - in the end, every line of his dialogue was over-dubbed by English actor Michael Collins, who had to fake a German accent to do it.

Keep your browsers on this site for more of the Countdown to 007. Look for a review of 1967's Casino Royale, why I think Daniel Craig will make a great Bond (hint: look at his picture, then Hoagy's), and ranked listings of the best and worst Bonds, Bond movies and Bond girls.

At What Age Adulthood?

2006-06-19T14:12:00.000-04:00

Two big Canadian news stories today, and both deal with the justice system, teenagers and sex.

In 1959 Stephen Truscott was convicted of the rape and murder of Lynn Harper. He was sentenced to be hanged by the neck until he was dead. He was 14 years old.

Now a review panel is examining the Truscott case, widely heralded as one of the biggest failures of the Canadian justice system, to determine what exactly may have gone wrong.

At the same time this specific case is undergoing much-delayed scrutiny, the federal government is toying with the idea of changing Canada's age of consent laws. Currently the age of consent is 14, absent other factors. The proposed revision would change that to 16.

So, here's a thought. Put these two ideas together. We, as a people, have determined that a fourteen year old boy is capable of committing a crime so heinous that he should be put to death, but that he is somehow simultaneously unable to make an valid decision to have sex.

I know that I'm drawing extreme examples, here. These occurences are nearly 50 years apart. We don't even have the death penalty anymore. But I think a fairly fundamental issue is still in play.

How old are we when we are actually an adult?

I've always found the age of consent laws kind of hilarious. Of course, I'm thrilled about any law that makes it more difficult for greasy old perverts to get their grubby mitts on little kids. But at the same time, I've always found it to be ridiculous that it's totally okay (legally speaking) for a 15 year old to be HAVING sex, but that the same kid can't WATCH sex (i.e. a dirty movie) for another three years.

Not even an instructional video?

Age-based laws are, of course, arbitrary. Not everyone matures at the same rate. And they don't really seem to be logical when compared one to the other. At 16, we can pilot a multi-tonne hunk of metal at 100kph down a crowded highway, but we aren't responsible enough to have a beer in the privacy of our own home. We can help select the leaders of our town, our province and our country at 18, but we can't have a glass of champagne to celebrate their victory for another year.

But, in the two situations before us today, it seems fundamentally imperitive that we ask ourselves the question: when are our children adults? If we let them screw around, are they adults? If they can be punished for screwing around, are they adults?

It seems that's it's all the same question.

Are you mature enough to take responsibility for your actions? If the world around us is any indication, some of us never reach that age.

Elvis And Frank, Frank And Elvis

2006-06-15T13:36:00.000-04:00

Legend has it that they both hated this. Sinatra didn't really like Elvis being on his show, as Elvis was - at that point - more popular than him. And the King hated wearing a tux. Me, I love it. It's like chocolate and peanut butter, two great tastes that taste great together. (Or peanut butter and bacon.)

Rapier Not Included

2006-06-13T12:43:00.000-04:00

Checked my humour profile out at this place. Seems I'm "The Wit."

the Wit
(52% dark, 38% spontaneous, 21% vulgar)

your humor style:
CLEAN | COMPLEX | DARK

You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take that to mean pretentious. You realize 'dumb' can be witty--after all isn't that the Simpsons' philosophy?--but rudeness for its own sake, 'gross-out' humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat.

I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer.

Your sense of humor takes the most thought to appreciate, but it's also the best, in my opinion.

You probably loved the Office. If you don't know what I'm
talking about, check it out here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais

The 3-Variable Funny Test!

- it rules -

If you're interested, try my best friend's best test:
The Genghis Khan Genetic Fitness Masterpiece

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 52% on darkness
You scored higher than 29% on spontaneity
You scored higher than 11% on vulgarity

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on OkCupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

"Elvis" is "evil" + S

2006-06-09T09:26:00.000-04:00

Craig (who needs to update his Blog) sent me a note mentioning that my evil rating had dropped to 27%. That's what it said in the Gematriculator, anyway (look left). I did a quick double-check, and found that it had actually dropped to 19%, but I hadn't updated the link. Apparently, I was being well behaved, lately. I would have thought the article about Jesus bangin' Asian chicks would have spiked my rating, but I guess not.

My 19% rating came when the latest article was "I'm Posting This Now...". Soon afterwards, I posted the thing about Elvis eating peanut butter and bacon sandwiches. Then I checked my rating again.

39%.

That's right, Elvis' eating habits caused a 20% spike in Evil on the Billpages. I guess that's what they mean by "bad" cholesterol.

But stop and think about this for a minute. If 100% denotes, as it supposed to, complete evil, then the simple act of Elvis eating fatty foods is one fifth of that, all by itself.

That's...

(...wait for it...)

...one hell of a sandwich.

Just checked. After this post, my rating is now 18%.

Peanut Butter And Bacon

2006-06-08T15:49:00.000-04:00

From this list of Rock Star Extravagances:

"1. Snack attack
Elvis Presley
Item: Peanut butter and bacon sandwiches
Cost: $3,387.28
On the night of Feburary 1, 1976, Elvis Presley pulled off a stunt that combined three of his favorite activities — profligate spending, showing off to cops and eating repellent things. While entertaining two Colorado policemen at Graceland, he mentioned a sandwich that he had once eaten at the Colorado Gold Mine Company restaurant in Denver: a hollowed, buttered loaf, filled with peanut butter, jelly and a pound of fried bacon. The sandwich was meant to feed eight, but Presley had finished one unaided. Remarkably, one of the cops expressed an interest. Even more remarkably, Presley insisted they should head to Denver to try it, a distance of 1,000 miles. His stretch Mercedes took them to the Memphis airport, where his private jet, the Lisa Marie — upholstered in aquamarine plush in further testament to the King’s understated elegance — awaited. Two hours later, they landed in Denver, where 22 of the $49.95 “Fool’s Gold” sandwiches on silver platters, plus a bucket of Perrier water and a case of champagne, were brought to a private hangar at the airport by the restaurateur, his wife and a waiter."

That's just disgusting. Everyone knows you don't put jelly on a peanut butter and bacon sandwich.

Mmm... peanut butter and bacon. I like it on a toasted plain bagel. I ordered this so often at a Bagel Stop in a mall where I used to work, that they eventually added it to their menu listing. Other people had heard me ordering it, and started requesting it.

I'm Posting This Now In Case We All Die Tomorrow

2006-06-05T13:16:00.000-04:00

Here's a little light reading, so that you can amaze your friends with you're scholarly biblical knowledge tomorrow.

Oh, and the remake is going to suck. I promise.

Of Cabbages And Kings

2006-06-05T09:16:00.000-04:00

T. Gregory over at Cabbages and Kings has found yet another way to get people to read his writing. Putting on plays and selling books wasn't enough, so he's enlisted The Brampton News. Next, he's hoping to have his words on gum wrappers and tattooed on the backs of boxers.

T.G.A.'s article is about the The Bramalea Backstage Drama Festival, a worthy event with a long-standing tradition of supporting new talent. Countless writers, directors and actors have gotten their first crack at their craft in the BBDF over the years (my first attempt at directing was a BBDF play - written by T. Gregory Argall, no less).

But this isn't just a showcase for fledgling talent. It's also an extremely rare thing: a suburban venue for expiremental theatre. Over the years, a number of more experienced people have used the BBDF as a showcase for things that would be harder to find an audience for as a mainstage event. I've seen shows staged entirely in black and white, silent shows, productions of shows by Harlod Pinter and David Mamet, one-man or one-woman shows. The BBDF was the first community festival in Brampton to feature (gasp!) swearing.

So kudos to T. Gregory on his new career as newspaper columnist. And kudos to Bramalea Live Theatre for staging the BBDF (although they need to update their website). And kudos to you for shelling out your hard earned $5.00 to support local theatre.

'Cause you're going. You know you are. I'll be there, and I'll know if you don't show up.

Mr. Rogers Goes To Washington

2006-06-02T09:41:00.000-04:00

This clip has been popping up a lot lately on various forums and blogs. I'll add my voice to the multitudes. Fred Rogers was a pioneer, a tireless advocate of the welfare of children and a really, really nice guy. His kind are rare, and he is missed.

And props to Sen. Pastore, for recognizing the greatness in front of him.

Stick with the clip to the end. It's a kind of public discourse we don't see much of anymore.

The Worst Magic Show Ever

2006-06-01T16:21:00.000-04:00

A while ago, Gord did a bit about The Worst Show Ever. He was talking about magicians who were unprepared and as a result were unappreciated.

But sometimes, the unappreciated part comes no matter how prepared you are. Do yourself a favour and check out the Penn Jilette Radio Show from May 31st. You can download it, or listen to it streaming here.

After all the discussions about vasectomies, magician Mac King tells of doing a show at a community college in Mississippi. He was prepared, but he had an insurmountable obstacle to overcome. Seriously insurmountable. He did not surmount it.

Is it wrong that, like Penn, I find the story hilarious?

Because Productivity Is Overrated.

2006-06-01T14:10:00.000-04:00

Remember Hapland? How about Hapland 2?

And I never did manage to Escape From Rhetundo Island.

And now of course there's Hapland 3.

But all of this pales against the fury of the WARBEARS!

Sigh. I will be fired.

No, Not The Good NAMBLA

2006-05-30T11:58:00.000-04:00

Oh for pete's sake.

I know the Dutch are renowned for their liberal and permissive society but this is just nuts.

Buncha freaks.

You know the problem here is that some conservative (read: religious) person is going to lump this in with reasonable people campaigning for same sex marriage, or sex education in schools, or free condom programs aimed at youth. It's going to be all bound together with some kind of "they're after our kids" rhetoric. These deviant bastards are going to screw things up for mainstream liberals.

Sigh.

And what's with the whole animal sex thing anyway? Do the animals ever, y'know, like it?

Jesus Of Japan

2006-05-29T13:46:00.000-04:00

Jesus lived to the age of 106. And apparently he dug Asian chicks.

rAmen, brother.

"I Want You To Be A Golf Pro" - God

2006-05-25T15:54:00.000-04:00

Anyone remember WKRP? Possibly the greatest American sitcom. When Art Carlson said "As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly," I just about wet myself. The phone cops, the buckeye newshawk award, "thanks for the lid, Art"... so many classic moments.

One of the great episodes was when Johnny Fever thought God talked to him. The trouble was, Johnny wasn't sure exactly what God had said. It possibly was "John, I love you. I want you to seek knowledge. I want you to become a golf pro."

Johnny wasn't certain of that last part. God kind of faded out at the end.

Which is hilarious, right? I mean, if God was talking to someone, surely he would at least be fully audible. I mean, God's gotta have a pretty decent speaking voice, I would imagine. He can probably project and enunciate like Richard Burton.

But it seems like Johnny isn't the only one whose ineffible receptors are getting a little... effible.

Pat Robertson, who is usually such an eminantly reasonable fellow [/irony] was filling in the faithful on the latest of many, many disasters that are likely to befall the world in the coming year, due to the implacable wrath of a vengeful and angry God. Because, you know, God loves us.

According to Pat, God is into storms for 2006. Hurricanes, with possibly a giant tsunami. Pat got it right from the divine Horse's mouth. Or did he?

"I go away at the end of each year to pray, and if I heard the Lord right about 2006, the coasts of America will be lashed by storms." - Pat Robertson, the 700 Club, May 17th 2006.

Did you catch the important part there?

"...if I heard the Lord right..."

You're not sure, Pat? That direct line to the big G getting static? Should've gone with Verizon, I guess.

Maybe God wants Pat to become a Golf pro.

Personally, I wish someone would put Pat Robertson in a bulgarian headlock, and throw him through that great big soda-pop machine in the sky.

And The Award For Bad Taste Goes To...

2006-05-12T11:04:00.000-04:00

O.J. Simpson.

Wow. You're a bad man, O.J. A very bad man.

Acknowledgements to Dennis Miller, who called O.J. a "bad man" at least once a week during the entire year-long trial. Sigh, I remember when Dennis was funny.

Uh Oh. This Can't Be Good.

2006-05-09T15:25:00.000-04:00

So Rob, what was your prediction for massive conflict in 2006 again?

Because this is not a good sign.

From the article:

"(Israeli) Vice Premier Shimon Peres said Monday that "the president of Iran should remember that Iran can also be wiped off the map.""

Yikes.

The Human Eye is NOT Irreducibly Complex!

2006-05-08T09:54:00.000-04:00

It's just not! You see, light sensitive cells on an animals skin could...

Oh, heck, let this guy explain it.

Got that link from Randi.org. I like to think it's in direct response to Kirk Cameron's Banana rant.

Watch both of them, and see which one you buy. Sure, the Kirk Cameron thing is way funnier...

rAmen, brothers.

Regarding The Broadcasting Treaty

2006-05-04T14:02:00.000-04:00

From: William Poulin

Citizen Of Canada

To: Ambassador Allan Rock
Permanent Mission of Canada to the United Nations
One Dag Hammarskjöld Plaza
885 Second Avenue, 14th Floor
New York, NY 10017
USA

prmny@international.gc.ca

Ambassador Rock,

I am writing to you to express my concern over the proposed UN measure known as the "Treaty on the Protection of Broadcasting Organizations". This treaty is currently being debated by the World Intellectual Property Organization Standing Committee on Copyright and Related Rights.

The full text of this treaty is available online here:

http://www.wipo.int/meetings/en/doc_details.jsp?doc_id=57213

My concerns, Ambassador, cover many levels of the document, including the fairness and justice of the measures proposed, the practicality of implementing them, and the long term effects of the legislation on content creators, content providers and individual citizens engaged in free practices of speech, assembly and government criticism. But my chief concern is in the United Nations jurisdiction over situations that are already covered by Canada's own legislative assemblies.

I quote from Robin Gross on the website ip-watch.org, who says in article on this issue:

"It is dangerous and inappropriate for an unelected international treaty body to undertake the task of creating entirely new rights, which currently exist in no national law, such as webcasting rights and anti-circumvention laws related to broadcasting. A global treaty is not the place for experimentation with new rights, but rather for the harmonization of existing legal norms. (the World Intellectual Property Organization) treads on shaky ground by proposing to create new rights that no elected body in the world has yet agreed to."

The full text of this article is available at:

http://www.ip-watch.org/weblog/index.php?p=286&res=1024_ff&print=0

Canada as a nation must constantly be vigilant regarding our sovereignty. Our national interests, our private business sector and our culture are tied closely to many other nations, particularly the United States Of America, and we must ensure that the lines between international cooperation and a surrender of our national identity remain clear.

I ask that you, as our nation's representative, review the legislation very carefully. Please ensure that whatever action you take on our behalf, it is in the best interests of Canadian citizens, and is not coloured by a desire to appease American business interests or a special interest lobby organization. Please ask yourself if it is appropriate for the United Nations to be making laws and creating "rights" on our behalf.

For detailed criticism of several aspects of the treaty, please visit the following website:

http://www.eff.org/IP/WIPO/broadcasting_treaty/

In particular, I draw your attention to the Electronic Frontier Foundation's own proposed Broadcast Treaty, the full text of which is available at:

http://www.eff.org/IP/WIPO/20040608_SCCR_NGO_Broadcasting.pdf

I thank you for your time. Please note that copies of this letter have been sent to other interested parties, and posted on the website http://billpages.blogspot.com/.

Thank you

William Poulin

Canadian Citizen

And now I Post By Email

2006-04-18T11:42:00.000-04:00

Rob says he can do it, so I can do it too.

Only mine has hyperlinks. Hah!

Stuff Worth Checking Out

2006-04-17T14:53:00.000-04:00

Well, I was off all last week, and to enjoy my vacation to the fullest, decided to get sick. Bleh.

Fortunately, there is a wealth of entertainment that can be enjoyed in the privacy of ones own home, never straying far from a box of kleenex and hot mug of Neo Citron.

For starters, James Randi is back doing the commentary for his own website. He'd been away since his heart surgery, and is still recovering, but his return is a welcome sign of good things to come. All the best, James.

And there's always the Penn Jillette radio show. You can listen to excerpts or pick up the streaming audio from Penn's Free FM site, here. Or if you use iTunes (and this is the only thing I use iTunes for) the entire program is available the next morning as a free podcast.

And Derren Brown has a bunch of cool things on this website. Derren's new series of shows is currently being broadcast in the UK, and he continues to amaze and astound at every turn. When, oh, when, will someone on this side of the pond pick these things up for broadcast?

Now for the $0.99 booby-prize: what do these three things have in common? That's right, magic. Randi is an accomplished magician who turned the skillset that magicians develop in on itself and now spends a great deal of time educating people in the ways of fakes, fakirs and flim-flam artists in a desperate attempt to promote reason.

Penn Jillette is - in his own description - the larger, louder half of Penn & Teller, world-famous magicians and showmen who, themselves, set the magic community's teeth on edge by giving away trade secrets on a regular basis. His radio show, co-hosted with Michael Goudeaux, who works with magician Lance Burton and is an accomplished juggler, regularly points out everyday idiocy and fuzzy thinking in the world today, and is also frequently hilarious.

And Derren Brown is a magician and - heck what would you call it? mentalist? - who has pulled off some of the most astounding things I've seen from a TV magician in years. With the help of my much-wiser-than-I friend Gord, I managed to figure out how he did one of his tricks. One. After twenty-odd hours of programmes, I now know how he did ONE thing. The guy is really good. And all the time, Derren makes it clear that he posseses no supernatural, paranormal or mystical powers of any kind.

Wonder is where you find it, folks. The world can be marvelous without surrendering reason.

Rikki, Tikki, Tiktaalik

2006-04-06T12:22:00.000-04:00

"The Fossil is remarkably well preserved."

No they're not talking about Sharon Stone.

Scientists have discovered fossilized skeletal remains that seem to fill in a significant portion of the evolutionary gap between sea and land animals. It's long been understood that living creatures evolved in the water, and then at some point struck out onto land. Now we have some solid evidence of that evolutionary process.

The Tiktaalik is big news, folks, especially coming in these dark times. Hot on the heels of some Intelligent Design smack-downs, this find represents the ongoing, exploratory nature of Evolutionary Science. Hopefully, on-the-ball science teachers can use this current events story to illustrate the nature of Scientific Theory, the quest for empirical evidence, and the open-ended nature of biological study.

How carefully considered are the findings of real, honest-to-goodness scientists? Well, according to this BBC article, they started out on this path of discovery in 1999, made their first big find in 2004, and are only now going wide with the announcement. That's a seven year process, and they're still not done exploring the ramifications.

That's how science works, folks. When it sees something it feels is irreducibly complex, it tries to figure out how it got that way, and doesn't just say, "well, it must be God. Or Aliens. Or Alien Gods."

rAmen, brothers.

Big Issues For "Big Love"

2006-04-03T11:47:00.000-04:00

I've always liked Bill Paxton. Who can forget him as Chip in Weird Science? Or as the hapless spy wannabe in True Lies (I have to lie to women to get laid. And I don't score much. I got a really small dick, it's pathetic!)?

Now he's playing a man with three - count 'em, three - wives in HBO's new series Big Love.

Paxton plays a true-believer Mormon, who goes the old-school route and engages in polygamy. The modern Mormon Church, or Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints, officially renounced polygamy a long time ago now. But in this delightful work of fiction, Paxton is a man raised in a polygamous environment who sees nothing wrong with filling out the family photo a bit.

The community he comes from, referred to as 'the compound', is back-woods creepy, with women toiling in farm fields owned by their husbands, people dressed in almost amish-like "prairie garb", and old men marrying young, young girls. Isn't wacky how creative those Hollywood writers can be?

Or did they just read the papers?

Check out this tale, from the Associated Press. Or this one, from the Austin Chronicle. Both deal with a real-life compund, by some accounts little different from the one headed by Harry Dean Stanton's character of Roman on Big Love. Charges of polygamy, underage marriages and harbouring fugitives are just some potential storylines - uh, I mean, problems facing the community.

And Newsweek has this article, which puts, at times, a positive spin on multiple-marrying men. This is not the only publication to liken polygamy to gay marriage, as a personal rights issue. From the article:

"if Heather can have two mommies, she should also be able to have two mommies and a daddy."

Not every article is quite so lenient. The Washington Post, predictably, takes a more conservative stand. In a low-key opinion piece, columnist Charles Krauthammer takes the backhanded approach of warning against gay marriage, as a method of warding off polygamy:

"To simplify the logic, take out the complicating factor of gender mixing. Posit a union of, say, three gay women all deeply devoted to each other. On what grounds would gay activists dismiss their union as mere activity rather than authentic love and self-expression? On what grounds do they insist upon the traditional, arbitrary and exclusionary number of two?"

Neither is this specifically an American issue. As the Newsweek article points out, a recent study funded in part by the Department Of Justice suggests that decriminilizing polygamy might be the right thing to do.

"In light of the fact that we have a fairly permissive society, why are we singling out that particular form of behaviour for criminalization?''

And that's what it boils down to, right? Who is the government, to tell us what we can and can't do in our personal relationships? If I want to live with three hot chicks, like Paxton's Bill Hendrickson, then isn't it my right to do so? (Assuming, of course, that I could find three women willing to do so. With me. Hmm... can the government help me with THAT?)

In fact, the only really compelling argument against polygamy I've seen recently is from another TV show. ABC's Boston Legal ran an episode recently in which the fictional law firm of Crane, Schmidt, etc defended two women and a man living as a polygamous family. The D.A. made a compelling little speech, which included this excellent point:

"Well the law against polygamy is practical as well. Say you’re a man with good health insurance, and a generous nature? Why not go down to a hospice and marry fifty terminally ill women so they can have your health benefits? If a billionaire could marry a thousand women and claim them all as dependants on his tax return, don’t you think he would? No. The law against polygamy doesn’t just make sense from a moral point of view, it’s practical as well."

So, until we address the fundamental unfairness of ALL the laws and institutions which are wrapped up in the myth of marriage being a good thing in and of itself, maybe it's okay to keep polygamy illegal.

I still like Bill Paxton, though.

Way To Go, Paul

2006-03-27T14:42:00.000-05:00

If I'm going to be in your movie, you have to ask me first.

You don't have to pay me (ask Dave) but you do have to get my permission.

Or, the permission of the executors of my estate.

It seems that the execrable efforts of Kerry Conran to cheapen the legacy of Lawrence Olivier have spawned fears of copycats.

"We are robbed of our individuality and our life's work is tarnished."

It's okay, though. Paul Newman is sticking up for me. And Christopher Plummer. And Charles Grodin.

Just a quick word about this: What Conran did with Lawrence Olivier in the pustulent piece of crap that was Sky Captain is inexscusable. I don't know what permissions were sought and obtained. I only know the one person that wasn't asked: Lawrence Olivier. Maybe he would have said yes. Maybe he would have agreed to actually be in brand new footage for the film. Who knows?

But Conran didn't ask. He couldn't. Olivier was dead. Conran used his image and voice anyway. Conran is an ass.

And Paul, Chris and Chuck rock. More power to you, gents.

Balls

2006-03-27T13:13:00.000-05:00

Some people will argue about anything.

Don't get me started on Prospero's Books. I know it's just a movie, but I take that pretentious piece of crap as a serious, personal, slap in the face.

So, I'm guilty of this over-sensitivity too.

But how trivial does something have to be before nobody can get really angry about it? I mean Greenaway's film is based on one of the most beloved works by the premiere playwright of the English language. Lot's of people are familiar with it, and can be completely pissed off at the bastardization it is subjected to at the hands of some indulgent ass.

But even I'm not getting too worked up over the controversy currently raging in the juggling world.

A while ago, I was sent this clip by my friend Lorne. It's a juggler named Chris Bliss, doing a 3-ball routine timed to the medley from the end of the Beatles' album "Abby Road".

I was impressed. What I was impressed with was the timing of the thing. I've tried juggling to music, and always found it hard to make three balls move in 4/4 time. But then, I'm not very musical at the best of times.

But some people weren't impressed. A lot of those people are professional jugglers. Chief amongst them was a guy named Jason Garfield. Jason Garfield is an AWESOME juggler, and quite possible insane. He got tired of people asking him if he'd seen the Chris Bliss thing, and sending it to him in email, and talking about how great it is because, well... let him tell you...

chris bliss's juggling skill is...not good. The most impressive thing he did was juggle for a long time and not drop. The juggling was not difficult at all and it's not surprising that he did not drop, so it's not that anyone should be amazed that he didn't drop. But if you're looking for the most impressive thing that he did in a routine chock full of unimpressive elements, it would be that he didn't drop. He calls it the big finale. I don't even understand why he juggles at all. His 3 ball skill is fair, good enough to make it three or four minutes without dropping. The world record for juggling 3 balls is over 11 hours, and the most difficult thing about that is staying awake and peeing.

That's just the start of a rather long and involved evisceration of Chris Bliss which can be found here (scroll down a bit, past the ads.) Jason got so tired of hearing about the damn thing that he did this, his own take on the Chris Bliss routine, only with 5 balls, more interesting and competant tricks and a little bit of parody of Bliss thrown in for good measure.

Jason's a better juggler. Hands down. Watch some of things here. He's also, as I said, kind of nuts. He considers juggling a sport and wants comedians to stop messing about with it.

This great rift in the juggling world rages on. I've been following it a bit, thanks to regular updates on the Penn Jillette radio show.

(Everyone should listen to Penn Jillette. Everyone. Young, old, male, female, black, white, Christian, Jew. Everyone.)

But just recently, they mentioned something on the show that I was unaware of. That would be the existance of The Galchenkos.

Watch some of this stuff.

Give it up, Chris Bliss. Shut up, Jason Garfield. It's a Galchenko world.

Get Well Soon, Randi

2006-03-17T15:39:00.000-05:00

Those of you who click faithfully on the links at left are no doubt aware that James Randi suffered a heart attack recently. The good news is that he's on the mend. You can hear a message from the wise one here.

Randi is the front-line General in the war against fallacy, quackery and scurrilous assaults on reason. Modern society cannot afford to lose him. Wish him well.

It's worth noting that when Randi's health was so suddenly and direly threatened, it was saved by advances in science not available to us a mere 25 years ago.

Score one for the good guys.

Writers Vs. Hollywood

2006-03-17T08:58:00.000-05:00

It's hard to feel sad for people who have been paid bucket-loads of money.

Especially when they're getting paid that money for work they'd ALREADY DONE.

But it seems some folks expect us to.

Alan Moore, for example, feels pretty hard done by. It seems that the evil entity known as "Hollywood" is doing terrible things with his work. And I do mean terrible.

Mr. Moore writes comic books. Sure, he calls them graphic novels, but that's just a fancy word for comic books. He's really good at it. In at least one case, he managed to set an entirely new standard for intelligence and sophistication in his field. He is, as this (free reg req) article suggests, one of the the few people in comic-dom that can sell titles based solely on his own name. Frank Miller might be another, although after DK2, I have my doubts.

But as the New York Times article goes on to suggest, Mr. Moore isn't secure enough in his own accomplishments to recognize where his work has stopped and the work of others has started. The latest problem centres around "V For Vendetta", a big blockbuster of a film starring Natalie "Star What?" Portman and Hugo "Elrond was much cooler in the novels" Weaving.

In a nutshell, Moore thinks that Hollywood does a great disservice to his work by making shitty movies based on his comics. Adaptation after adaptation, the evil movie-making monster has turned his well thought out and deeply personal art into populist tripe.

Two things, Mr. Moore:

You wrote the comic book. Someone else made the movie. We all know that. We can tell the difference. Why can't you?

and...

They paid you a bucket-load of cash. Quit whining.

In fact, as David Lloyd, Moore's collaborator on "Vendetta" remarks:

"We didn't do it (sell the film rights) innocently. Neither myself nor Alan thought we were signing it over to a board of trustees who would look after it like it was the Dead Sea Scrolls."

So get off your high horse. If the reviews are to be believed, Vendetta is actually a pretty good movie. A cut above most Hollywood spectacle shlock.

And if at the next Oscars this film does not win a whole pile of awards, do not by any means do this.

See Rob's Blog for my comments on that self-indulgent embarrassment.

Why The Fundamentalist Lobby Must Be Stopped

2006-03-07T08:44:00.000-05:00

The ongoing campaign against the teaching of evolution may directly and imediately affect your ability to get the best quality health care.

According to this NY Times article, research into the human genome has indicated recent (in scientific terms) changes to the human condition that can be attributed to natural selection. That's right folks, we are still evolving.

So when somebody denies the whole evolution thing, their not just advocating ignorance of the world around us, but ignorance of ourselves and our bodies. They're putting a roadblock in front of potentially life-saving gene therapies.

They, in short, are bastards.

Headline Of The Day

2006-03-03T12:51:00.000-05:00

"Brokeback Abused Sheep"

Apparently the people who made Brokeback Mountain were - and I'm quoting here - "too rough on sheep".

Well, that's just too easy, isn't it?

2006-02-27T16:00:00.000-05:00

Remember Prussian Blue? I talked about them a while ago.

Well, people are still talking. GQ has run an article on the adorable little dears.

“I think, you know, if there was a war between the races,” she (Lamb Gaede) says tentatively, “hopefully everybody will get their own little space. And that’s basically what we want, you know? So we don’t have to live with the other groups.”

And isn't that what everyone wants, really? Just their own little space.

There's a great paragraph in the linked article in which the author, Aaron Gell, plays a little six-degrees style connection game, and has the little blue-eyed dolls linked to the author of the Turner Diaries, the guys who murdered Alan Berg, and Timothy McVeigh. Sure you can play these games with anybody, but normally you need all six degrees...

Anyway, I just like the fact that this article is in a men's magazine like GQ. They've already appeared in public wearing short, schoolgirl type kilts, like TaTu. I figure it won't be long before the girls are in Maxim. After all, they're blonde twins. Maybe somebody should start an Olsen-Twins-Style countdown clock...

Oh, wait sorry. We're supposed to protect children from being exploited, aren't we? You know, like their parents do:

“People want to depict everything that happened in World War II Germany as marching around killing Jews,” April (Gaede, the girls' mom) says. “They don’t want to understand how the whole ideology of National Socialism is really a beautiful thing. I mean, it really is.”

So scratch the Maxim thing. Let's get this family into Parenting.

Enlightenment vs. Religion

2006-02-24T14:54:00.000-05:00

And speaking of Chris Hitchens...

...which I was, in the previous post...

Everyone should read this. It couches the Kurrent Kartoon Kontroversy in terms that make a lot of sense to me. (And no, the fact that those are three alliterative Ks has not escaped my attention.)

Religion does not have to be an adversary of free speech, the pursuit of knowledge or democratic ideals. But it so often is. As I so often do, I return to the words of Robert E. Lee and Jerome Lawrence, from "Inherit The Wind":

"Yes! Something is holy to me. The individual human mind. For in a child's power to master the multiplication tables there is more sanctity than in all your shouted amens, holy holies and hosannahs. An idea is a greater monument than a cathedral and the advance of man's knowledge is more of a miracle than any sticks turned to snakes, or the parting of waters."

rAmen, brother.

We Won't Take All The Help We Can Get

2006-02-24T13:48:00.000-05:00

"No matter what side of the argument you are on, you always find people on your side that you wish were on the other." - Jascha Heifetz

I'm against the U.S. invasion of Iraq. I'm not going to get into this argument here. You want to argue about it? Start with Christopher Hitchens. He's all for it, and he can out debate just about anyone.

Or ask Doug. He's up for a good argument anyday.

Anyway.

These people also seem to be against the war in Iraq. They seem to think that God is punishing the U.S.A. by killing off the nation's soldiers in Iraq. But why is the almighty taking sides?

Is it because the war is unjust?

Is it because ANY war is unjust?

Is it that whole Thou Shalt Not Kill thing (as clear an example of a Do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do policy as has ever existed)?

Nope.

It seems his supreme holier than Thou-ness has decided the solders must die, because they are fighting on behalf of a country that condones homosexuality. They've decided to convey their message by picketing outside the funeral services of deceased soldiers.

Here's an example of the level-headed, reasonable approch the members of the Westboro Baptist Church (from the linked article):

As Ostlund (the mother of the deceased) turned away to enter Zion Lutheran Church, Shirley Phelps-Roper taunted her: "Adulterer! You can't admit you sent your own child to hell! If she does not heed this warning, she will look up from hell with him."

Nice.

If the name Phelps sounds familiar, it's because Ms. Phelps-Roper is the daughter of this guy.

So yeah, I'm against the war. And they're against the war. But to paraphrase an old adage:

The enemy of my enemy is a slobbering nut-job with his head up his ass.

Evil.

2006-02-24T11:47:00.000-05:00

Three new posts, and my evil rating jumped 7%. (see left side)

What could have caused it? Writing about Theatre? About Tom's Books? Personally, I think it was the Head Of The Class reference.

Of course, this post dropped the rating back down by a whopping 17%. I think there's no rhyme or reason to any of this.

He Demands To Be Popular!

2006-02-24T11:29:00.000-05:00

T. Gregory Argall has a condition, folks.

You've heard of Tourette Syndrome? This is similar to that. Although, Tourette's is more fun in church.

You see, he can't help but publish. He'll be sitting quietly in his home, minding his own business, and then suddenly, like a seizure, he'll publish something. A script, a collection of short stories, a kids book. He's doing it in mixed company now.

It's a terrible affliction, and he deserves our support.

Go to Lulu.com and purchase one of his books. The proceeds will go towards proper care and supervision of those afflicted with this terrible disease.

Help stop the spread. It's catching on fast.

Thank you.

Picked Up By Popular Demand - Possibly

2006-02-24T11:13:00.000-05:00

Far be it from me to doubt the credibility of some random blogger.

Better Than Fudge claims that Arrested Development has been picked up by Showtime! Network.

Well, HBO doesn't want them. (If you laughed at that sentance, you've been watching the show. Good for you. Go to the head of the class. No, not Head Of The Class.)

Fox showed the final four episodes of their run of the series two Fridays ago. Possibly the funniest two hours of television I've ever seen. Really. I'm not engaging in hyperbole here. Those episodes were gold. And it was a strong, satisfying finish to the show. If they don't get picked up by Showtime! or some other network, at least they didn't leave us hanging.

But they did leave us wanting more. So I hope this isn't the end of the line for the Bluths.

And what's with Showtime!'s website not being accessible from Canada, anyway? Bastards.

Held Over By Popular Demand!

2006-02-24T11:04:00.000-05:00

The show I'm currently in, Norm Foster's "The Long Weekend", is actually being HELD OVER by the Hotel due to it's overwhelming success!

No seriously. Apparently, Aurora loves us.

T McG is in it, too.

The new dates (not depicted on the now out-of-date and possibly collecibe poster below) are

Saturday March 18th
Saturday March 25th

Check it out:

It almost makes driving to Aurora worthwhile!

In The Future, Everyone Will Blog For 15 Minutes

2006-01-13T16:12:00.000-05:00

Two more links added to the Friendly Blogs at left.

Although to be honest, one of them's not that friendly...

Dave Kingpin Lei - yes that's his real name - is a close, personal friend and well on his way to being a filmmaker of note. He's already had the good sense to cast myself and TMcG in his first feature, and will soon be making stars out of us. Go Kingpin!

And Doug over at Dougplanet is the go-to guy for vast global conspiracies and bad movies. Isn't it strange how often those two go together?

God, Grant Me The Serenity, Part II

2006-01-10T14:10:00.000-05:00

The rumour mill chugs on. Since you bunch of apathetic bloody losers failed to go see Serenity often enough in theatres, a sequel seemed unlikely. But now the DVD is out and apparently it's doing great. (As of this writing, it's no. 3 on Amazon's DVD Sales Ranking).

And good ancillary sales means the movie might actually make back it's budget. And anytime that a movie ends up even slightly revenue positive in Hollywood, the same question gets asked. Will there be a sequel...?

Well, it all depends on Joss, according to the incredibly reliable and no-doubt entirely informed source of Loni Peristere, the visual effects supervisor and second unit director for Serenity.

"...we're all just hanging out and seeing what the world has to give us, and given the opportunity we'll make more."

"Given the opportunity" means "given the money". And they don't get the money unless you go buy the DVD.

So go.

Now.

It's shiny...

Can I Get A Witness?

2006-01-03T13:06:00.000-05:00

A judge in Italy has required a local priest to prove that Jesus existed.

No pressure or anything.

Seriously, all religious side-taking aside, poor old Father Righi has got one heck of a job ahead of him. It's only the single biggest debate in the history of western civilization. Please resolve it by the end of January, Father.

It'll be nice to finally have an answer to this one. It'll stop the bloody agnostics from whining all the time, at least.

If Father Righi (so close to being Right) in fact proves that the big J was real, it'll be a validation of a couple of millenia of Christian doctrine. But there will still be plenty of mystery left.

I figure if Jesus is proved to have existed, he'll stop being the centre of real controversy, and start being a bit of a historical David Copperfield. I mean, we all know Copperfield existed. But did he really make the Statue of Liberty disappear, or is it just some kind of trick? (Gord, I'm expecting an answer on this one.)

Same with Jeebus. I mean, the loaves and fishes, the walking on water, the water into wine... real miracles, or good PR?

And if Jesus is really an early Copperfield, did Mary Magdelene look like this?

Mostly Good, With Scattered Evil.

2005-12-29T16:30:00.000-05:00

I'm only a little bit evil. (see link at left.)

This Birth Of Christ Brought To You By Kellogs

2005-12-21T21:48:00.000-05:00

If I hear one more bloody Christmas carol, I'm going to kill someone.

The most recent offense was Aaron Neville's warbly, over-sentimentalized and droning version of O Holy Night. I mean, good Lord, as if the song isn't long and depressing enough as it is, Aaron's got to slow it down and sing it as if not only were his balls in a vice, but that he personally feels a lot of guilt about the whole situation.

So why don't I just turn them off? Well, apparently it's not up to me.

I hear them everytime I go to the supermarket, variety store, bank, mall or beer store. They're played on more than one radio at work (a particularly galling situation, given that I can hear more than one radio, they're usually not tuned to the same station, and the carols generally overlap each other.) And they're in radio and television commercials, usually played louder than the regular content, and with the lyrics altered to some less-than amusing corporate slogan.

So I seek refuge in my usual manner: I hide in my basement and watch TV.

This is not as self-defeating as it sounds. Thanks to the miracles of modern technology, I am able to watch commercial-free television. No ads, no spots for upcoming Rudolph animatronic nightmares, nothing but my chosen fare, uninterrupted.

And just when I think I'm out, they pull me back in.

The Simpsons, Monk, The Dead Zone, The Office, Corner Gas, and Veronica Mars all had very-special-Christmas episodes. And while I can get past the syrupy sentiment and the contrived holiday plots. But the carols in the soundtrack... the plague me. I cringe. They grate on my nerves to the degree that I consider turning off the entire program. And I am a 'don't miss an episode' viewer.

But I could forgive it all. It happens once a season and then things resume, right?

Until I saw E-Ring.

For those not in the know, E-Ring is a new military drama set in the Pentagon starring Benjamin "I was on Law & Order" Bratt and Dennis "I worked with Brando" Hopper. Political intrigue plus explosions. After a week premiere ( I suggested skipping the entire series based on that, and only got sucked back in on a friend's recommendation) the series is shaping up pretty well.

The Christmas episode of E-Ring featured a weak story, an overly sappy sub-plot involving a long-lost father and, of course, some Christmas carols.

It also featured a group of American soldiers in Afghanistan, hell-bent on getting a supply of humanitarian aid to a war-wrecked village. When they are faced with seemingly insurmountable political, military and logistical barriers, they vow to overcome them and get the supplies through. Because after all, it's Christmas.

Christmas.

In Afghanistan.

I kid you not folks, these American military personel say, without any hint of irony, that not getting the supplies through would spoil Christmas for the Afghanies.

Sweet Zombie Jesus. How bloody myopic can you be?

So, I've almost been beaten senseless by Christmas overload, but I will perservere in my pursuit of an escape. I watched an old episode of Profit the other night. Such a gleeful endorsement of abject evil was truly refreshing.

Short And (not so) Sweet

2005-12-21T16:45:00.000-05:00

Tucker Carlson can go fuck himself.

A Sad Day For Dover Pandas

2005-12-20T12:12:00.000-05:00

But a happy day for science.

The Dover Panda Trial, which I have referred to before, was brought to a close today as Judge Jones delivered his ruling. This had previously been expected to happen some time in the new year. Maybe he figured that the religious fundamentalists that form one side of this thing will be too busy celebrating the birth of Our Lord to notice they lost their case.

Yep. ID is out of the Pennsylvania science curriculum. Hooray!

The Judge's ruling is 139 pages. But the good folks at CNN.com have provided a nice encapsulation of the whole thing, in a single line from the Judge's opinion:

"We find that the secular purposes claimed by the Board amount to a pretext for the Board's real purpose, which was to promote religion in the public school classroom."

rAmen, brother.

My Friend Bill, His Friend Elisha

2005-12-20T09:21:00.001-05:00

I hang around theatre people a lot. I am one myself. And there's one thing most (certainly not all) theatre people share in common: a complete indifference to the world of sports. It starts in High School, I think, where the guys in tights routinely get beat up by the guys in sweats. Hey we're not the ones rolling around on the floor, grappling with each other, buddy...

But there are exceptions. My buddy Bill K. is an ardent fan of sports in general and Hockey in particular. He's also a talented and experienced actor. He's lamented on more than one occasion the dearth of conversational partners he can find in rehearsal halls and dressing rooms.

He's also blog-challenged. So here's what he has to say:

As many of you know, I've apparently failed blog worse than our friend Todd. In picking a name that was otherwise in use but, in some case sensitive way that I am not aware of, different - I manage to "remind" some poor other KingNothing of his password on a regular basis while trying to wittily (or not) comment on the brilliant or interesting or whatever comments of my friendly bloggers. As such, I am hardly going to go to the trouble of creating a blog and begging you all to come see the one thing I would ever likely post. So here it is - my surrogate post.

I like hockey. Something not uncommon among people - especially men - in this country, BUT I happen to hang out with theatre folk. The ratio of this group that appreciates hockey seems to me extremely low. I haven't tried anything more powerful than crying in the corner when there's a Leaf playoff game happening and something else on TV to convince my friends of the beauty of this game, because

a) it's not really my place and
b) I can't really be bothered.

Hey if I won't create my own blog do you really think I'm going spend time I could be using watching hockey convincing other people why they should?

But now, that has all changed.

No, for all those seriously unfamilar with the hockey season, it's not the playoffs and the Leafs do not exactly look poised to take home the cup. I found something to get my friends interested in hockey with no effort from me.

This - well, technically this - but she wrote it and will be continuing to.

There, that's the best I can do.

That's a pretty convincing argument, Bill. But why watch hockey when we can watch this?

James Randi wrote me back!

2005-12-20T09:17:00.000-05:00

James Randi actually responded to the email I sent him, regarding the whole Ontario Government/Acupuncture thing. Kuldip Kular has not. Him I both emailed and wrote a regular old fashioned letter for. I await the swift action of bureaucracy.

It's Time To Take Action

2005-12-16T15:03:00.000-05:00

I have ranted in the past over the steady encroachment against bad science, stupidity and general woo-woo thinking. Randi keeps a steady eye on these things, from all over the globe. I usually bemoan the state of the world, cry out against idiots, and generally shake my head and wag my finger.

But today, I have the opportunity to act.

The Toronto Star reported that The Ontario Health ministry is considering passing legislation to create "a self-governing regulatory college" to support acupunture and other traditional Chinese healing techniques, including herbal therapies and tai chi.

Folks, this kind of medicine is a HOAX. It is not based on science, undergoes no type of clinical testing and when it has been subjected to double-blind tests, has been shown time and time again to NOT WORK.

Do not let our goverment waste money - PUBLIC HEALTH CARE MONEY - on this kind of charlatanism.

Write your local MP. Mine is:

Kuldip Kular
Bramalea--Gore--Malton--Springdale
Liberal Party of Ontario

8177 Torbram Rd
Brampton ON L6T 5C5

Tel : 905-799-3939
Fax : 905-799-9505
email : kkular.mpp.co@liberal.ola.org

Legislative Assembly Of Ontario.

Tell your representative that for the government to endorse these loose and potentially dangerous practises in any way is not only a criminal waste of public funds, but also a dangerous precedent for the future health of all Canadians.

This will be only the second time I have ever made a direct appeal to an elected government official. The last one did not work. I'll keep my fingers crossed for this one.

The Question Of The Ages...

2005-12-15T15:45:00.000-05:00

How did Admiral Ackbar get his shirt on? I mean, look at the size of his forearms, for pete's sake. He'd never fit it over them.

Free Speech Follow-Up

2005-12-14T11:29:00.000-05:00

Free speech continues to be a tough thing to consistantly support.

Free Speech, And Iron Fists

2005-12-14T08:53:00.000-05:00

Sometimes Free Speech seems like a bad idea. Other times, you realize how hard some people have to fight for it.

And then there's Paul Mirecki. Paul's a Professor of Religious Studies at Kansas State University. Just as a refresher, this is the state that voted to teach Intelligent Design as part of its science curriculum. Well Paul didn't think that was such a good idea.

Mirecki recently wrote online that he planned to teach intelligent design as mythology in an upcoming course. He wrote it would be a “nice slap” in the “big fat face” of fundamentalists.
- Eric Weslander, Lawrence Journal-World.

It seems the fundamentalists aren't the only people getting slapped because of this. Last Monday, two still-unidentified attackers beat Professor Paul badly enough that he ended up in hospital. According o the professor, the assailants made specific reference to his anti-ID comments.

They beat him because he made the baby Jesus cry.

Professor Paul has resigned as head of religious studies at KU. And has taken to not responding to phone calls or requests for interviews from the press. Many critics claim this is because the beating is some sort of hoax. It couldn't be because the last time he spoke publicly he got his ass kicked could it?

An Issue Has Arisen

2005-12-13T16:40:00.000-05:00

There are numerous problems and concerns facing society today. We've got this. And this. And, God help us, no one's done anything about this yet.

But every once in a while something comes along that's simply too important not to address head on. Finally we face the problem that has been plaguing us lo these many years.

I'm talking, of course, about Superman's penis.

First off, let's get one thing clear: it's huge.

I don't think there's ever been any real doubt about this. All his other muscles bulge impressively. He's always been a tall, strapping fellow, with large hands and feet. And his unswerving confidence is a good indicator that the man is fairly well-stocked on self esteem.

But the issue is now - apparantly - getting out of hand. (ahem.)

It seems that Brandon Routh, touted to play the Man Of Steel in the upcoming attempt to revitalize the franchise, is sporting a little more in his red speedos than studio execs feel comfortable with.

This is something we're going to have to get to grips with. (sorry.) We can't have a crisis like this popping up (oops.) all the time. I know dealing with it is going to be hard, (my bad.) but I think a little rationality will help us come (does this one count?) to a satisfactory solution.

Okay, I'll stop now.

You know, until this story appeared in the news, I can honestly say I've never thought about Superman's penis before. It would not have occured to me to check out Clark's package, in tights or out of them. Uh... I mean, not OUT of them. In street clothes. Yeah, street clothes.

But now... now I'm going to be looking for it. I'm actually going to be watching a Superman movie thinking about the size of his - er - l'il Lex Luthor. (hah! It's BALD! Get it?)

Well, as long as I don't dwell on it when I'm in my own fortress of solitude. That would be... disturbing.

The Grumpy Snail

2005-12-13T12:55:00.000-05:00

Even though my regular gang o' blog pals seems to have slowed down a bit of late - myself included - the blogsphere nonetheless continues to expand.

Hail and welcome to The Grumpy Snail, home of Kingpengvin. Kingpengvin will be familiar to anyone who hangs out regularly on the Straight Dope Message Boards. Rantings political and social, commentary bitter and twisted, and the odd amusing photoshop.

Check him out.

"My Drink Holder Is Broken"

2005-12-12T14:14:00.000-05:00

If you've got time to kill and are looking for a laugh, check out this. Fark.com has always had some funny folks hanging about in their discussion forums, and their disdain for the technology-impaired is almost as pronounced as what you'll find over at slashdot...

The article in question is a challenge to submit your best or worst Tech Support nightmare story. There are dozens of good ones here, from the point of view of both the caller and the service provider.

As they say on Fark, it is teh funny.

I heard it on the Radio...

2005-12-08T11:49:00.000-05:00

Twenty-five years ago this evening, I was listening to Q-107 in bed, through headphones. I wasn't supposed to be listening to the radio. I was nine, and had been told "lights out" by my parents, who expected me to be getting to sleep.

But I didn't sleep. I listened to the radio.

I listened because I loved music. I listend to Q-107 because they played that style of music we now refer to as Classic Rock. My brother listened to mostly that kind of music, and so I did too. My extrememly kind older brother let his ninie-year old brother play records on his stereo, even if nobody else was in the room, making sure he didn't break anything. I listened to Elvis, I listened to the Rolling Stones, I listened to K-Tel collections of old fifties and sixties tunes.

But mostly, I listened to the Beatles.

Big Bro had the two big 'greatest hits' collections that shaped the way I hear music for the rest of my life. The Red Album, 1962-1966, and the Blue Album, 1967-1970. He'd bought them early in the run, so the actual vinyl was coloured the appropriate red or blue. There were lyrics sheets inside the Red, and a big picture of the Beatles, mixed in a crowd of people near an iron gate inside the Blue. To this day, I can't hear certain Beatles songs without automatcially anticipating the next song to be whatever followed on these albums.

I was no Beatles expert at nine. I knew the names of the guys, and that they were from England, and that this was their music. That was pretty much it.

Except that I had memorized every lyric, every beat, every riff and every note of every track on those four coloured discs. My father once commented that I was going to wear out my brother's albums. Looking back, I can't believe he wasn't right.

So 25 years ago this evening, I was lying awake in bed, trying to find a comfortable position to lie in with a set of massive old seventies headphones on, hoping the DJ would play a Beatles song.

Just after midnight, I walked down the stairs to the living room where my mother was still awake. I told her what the DJ had said, and she sent me back to bed, and told me to quit listening to the radio late at night.

The next day, Q-107 played 107 songs in a row by John and the Beatles. The news showed crowds of people carrying candles and gathering outside the Dakota in New York.

I was too young to think of anyone as an influence on my life, to young to even really be sad about the whole thing. But I remember that night as clear as if it were yesterday, and I probably always will.

Things You Should Care About

2005-12-05T13:11:00.000-05:00

I'd like to welcome my friend Craig to the blogsphere. Check out his blog (possibly NSFW) to find what you should be caring about today.

Craig cares about a lot of things. TV shows. Hot chicks. TV shows which feature hot chicks. He's a man of many interests.

You Can't Stop The Signal

2005-12-02T11:45:00.000-05:00

... but you can lower the signal's budget and move it to the small screen.

Flush with the huge success that was "Serenity", executives at Universal...

No, wait, I can do this with a straight face.

Okay, despite my pleas, admonishments and threats, none of you went to see Serenity. Well, not enough of you anyway. But it seems there may yet be a small chance that the saga of Captain Tightpants and his crew of misfits will continue.

Shiny.

Veronica Mars: The Good, The Bad and The Pretty

2005-12-02T08:48:00.000-05:00

My Friend V: Hey, why don't you write about VM on your blog?

Me: ...and the twelve people who read my Blog can find out all about Veronica.

My Friend V: The brainwashing occurs one person at a time.

Veronica Mars is the most addictive show currently on television. More than Lost, Desperate Housewives, Invasion or West Wing, the adventures of this cute blonde, high-school detective leave me wondering 'what's going to happen next?'

Witty dialogue, a well-balanced mixture of story-of-the-week with ongoing plot, and some superb performances all add up to a top-notch show.

That's the Good. Here's the Bad.

The episode that aired on Wednesday night, "My Mother The Fiend" has an 'alternate ending' which you can only view online at aol.com. As a dutiful (i.e. rabid) fan, as soon as I had watched the show, I logged on to the home of the stupidest people on the web and tried to watch the clip.

Tried.

First off, aol.com doesn't support Firefox 1.5. The Bastards. In fact, when I tried to play the clip, it crashed my browser. So I switched to IE, and tried again. Here's what I see:

You see that? Only available in the states.

Just so we're clear: I pay EXTRA money, over and above the 'normal' cable package, so that I get UPN, the network on which Veronica Mars airs. This is apparently meaningless to the people that produce the show, and they've decided to snub me and thousands of other loyal Canadian (and presumably other non-American) viewers.

I sent them an email explaining how I felt about the situation. I sent copies to UPN, to Warner Brother's Television (who produce the show) and to Rob Thomas. No, not that Rob Thomas, I mean the guy that created Veronica Mars. I'll let you know if anyone responds. Ha!

And finally, the Pretty.

In addition to all the other reasons to watch Veronica Mars, there's also this. And this. And this.

Hooray.

Too Lazy To Write

2005-11-29T09:46:00.000-05:00

I'm too lazy to write about any of my favourite topics today, so I'll let others do it for me...

Caesar over at Ars Technica has some interesting and enlightening comments about the whole religion vs. reason thing. Specifically about two new cases that have cropped up in California. I especially liked this bit:

"For one, it provides information to teachers, who then teach. One of the aftereffects of teaching is that, ideally, students learn. In the context of a science classroom, this could mean that students are taught evolution, and then they may understand it better. This is the fundament of pedagogy."

Good point, Caesar. Let's hope the left-coast courts agree.

And the anti-piracy crusade has hit full swing in Canada. Just to be clear, what these guys were doing (or allegedly doing, I suppose) is NOT the same as what I was talking about. Downloading something for yourself is one thing. Making a few thousand copies and selling them (in a mall, for christ's sake) is very, very different.

And one of my favourite authors, Terry Pratchett, gives a glimpse at the man behind the Discworld over at SciFi.com.

Oh, and Classic Bloom County strips are available at Yahoo News, including some I've never seen before, and some that were never in any of the collections. Lord I miss that strip. "Opus" is fun, but it just isn't the same as the old days.

Enjoy.

Todd Fails Blog

2005-11-25T20:17:00.000-05:00

Todd's a great writer. Check out his stuff at "Playing After Dark" (linked at left).

It won't take you long. He hardly ever posts.

You see, Todd is blog-impaired. This post is entirely for his benefit. As I write this, I am told, he is trying to reply to the previous post. Bet ya I can post an entirely new entry before Todd can post a simple response.

Nyah nyah.

Lies My Parents Told Me

2005-11-25T13:39:00.000-05:00

How old were you when you found out that Santa Clause was a lie?

For ditzy blonde heiresses, the age is apparently 17.

I don't remember finding out. Which seems odd to me, because you'd think it would be fairly traumatic. "Hey, Billy. You know that kind old gentleman who gives you a truckload of toys every year, apparently for no reason? Well he's fake. Your parents have been lying to you."

No memory of that at all.

Maybe it's because I always found the whole Santa Clause thing kind of creepy. My mother tells me that when I was a child, I never wanted to go visit Santa at the mall. At the most, I'd hang back and watch him from a distance.

And I was terrified at the idea of him coming in to our house in the middle of the night. When I was three or four, I suggested to my parents that Santa simply leave the presents at the front door, and my brother could carry them into the house come morning.

So maybe it wasn't that traumatic for me, because what I actually felt was relief. I mean, think of the legend. "A man you've never met is going to sneak into your house when you are all asleep, and fill your socks with candy and toys."

If that man was "Bob Wilson, from around the corner" there'd be a warrant out for his arrest. But it's Santa, so that's all good.

My thoughts? Tell your kid now. Get it over with. Or, if they're young enough, don't start in the first place. Take the credit for the presents. "No, Sally, Mommy and Daddy bought this for you. Not a stranger. Remember what we taught you about taking presents from strangers?"

Fight for truth.

A History Of (non) Violence

2005-11-22T08:43:00.000-05:00

Read a neat article in the NY Times this morning (free registration required.) It seems the Russian gov't has started keeping a Soviet-era style list of people who practise the Islamic faith outside of certain 'state sanctioned' mosques. In other words, you can be Islamic, but not on your own terms.

What really caught my eye was this pair of paragraphs:

Mr. Golayev, 36, said the Islam he observes is opposed to violence, but he warned that the mistreatment of believers was driving men like him to desperation.
"They will pressure me enough," he said, "and then I will blow somebody's head off."

Maybe it's just me, but I don't think that statement is really helping his case...

And of course the big story of the day is the call for a withdrawal of US troops from Iraq, including the rather specific omission in the new Iraqi establishment's definition of terrorism. According to CFRB radio this morning, terrorism is attacks against civilians, government officials, religious and community centres, and schools. But attacks against either US or Iraqi military personnel are fair game, apparently.

The statement, while condemning the wave of terrorism that has engulfed Iraq, also broadly acknowledged a general right to resist foreign occupation.
- The NY Times

I guess when it comes to non-violence, Islam really is just like Christianity.

Escape From Rhetundo Island!

2005-11-10T12:41:00.000-05:00

Uh-oh, the people from Hapland are out for a walk...

Good thing I'm on vacation next week. I clearly wasn't going to be doing any work anyway.

Canadian Pirates. Arrrr, eh?

2005-11-10T10:04:00.000-05:00

That bastion of journalistic integrity, the Toronto Star, has come out with a little opinion piece on downloading music off the internet. According to them, the downloaders are thieves. Let's look at that word, "thief". Webster's defines it as "one who steals". "Steal" has a whole pile of meanings but they all have one thing in common: you have to take something.

Let's make this perfectly clear: downloaders don't TAKE anything. The originals are still where they have always been.

When musicians or, more commonly, music labels say that they are 'losing' something due to downloads, they are talking about theoretical profits. The assumption is that someone who downloads a song would have bought it if they couldn't have found it for free.

This is just ridiculous. It's never been the case that people buy copies of every song they like off the radio. And a lot of the downloading that goes on is just sampling, with no actual archiving or keeping of the song in any way. "Ooh, Eminem has a new track. I think I'll check it out - nope, not a big fan of that one, won't buy the album." How is that different from the radio?

To be fair, the Star does mention the blank media levy in Canada. But when they say that the law was enacted in 1997, they leave out that it was re-written in March of 2002 - well into the P2P era - in an attempt to cover 'new' media such as MP3 players and falsh memory cards.

And since then, a federal judge in Canada has ruled that the levy should NOT apply to those additional forms of media, but left the original blank media levy unchanged.

In other words, it's still cool to copy.

Look, if you're really worried about supporting a struggling artist, go buy their CD. I do. I paid $50.00 last week for the new Tragically Hip Collection. In the last several years, I've probably bought more albums directly from artists at concerts or bar-shows then I have at record stores. And for artists I like, I've shelled out some pretty hefty wads of cash.

In fact, I've done more for struggling artists than the bloody levy tax has done. As of July of last year, at least, no money had been distributed form the levy coffers.

Attacking the downloaders is ridiculous anyway. In a very real sense, they ARE the market for music. The research is done, and they spend more money on media than non-downloaders.

Besides, it's clear who the actual criminals are. The RIAA is already being sued under RICO statutes in the US.

Oh, and I liked this line in the Star article:

Of course, what the overwhelming majority of Napster users were trading were MP3 music files, virtually all of which were in violation of copyright laws.

Umm... of course Napster was primarily used for MP3 files. That's ALL NAPSTER DID. Later programs (Scour, Morpheus, KaZaa, etc) supported other file types, but Napster was strictly MP3. This kind of basic error just illustrates that the Star, like most major media outlets, don't understand the topic they're discussing.

Whew. /rant.

One Step Forward...

2005-11-09T14:52:00.000-05:00

...and one step back.

As a karmic follow-up to yesterday's happy news, the Kansas School Board has decided to redefine science. Again. They've been down this road before, and backed off in the face of local outrage and international ridicule. This time, they're going ahead with it.

Sigh. And I was so hopeful this morning...

The Revolution Is NOW!

2005-11-09T12:37:00.000-05:00

...and it's probably being televised. But only on WLYH-TV.

The Schoolboard that is at the centre of the Dover Panda Trial has been almost entirely ousted, with eight challengers defeating incumbants in the recent election. Although they have stated that their issues are much more wide-ranging than just ID-in-schools, they did say "...the policy violated the constitutional requirement for separation of church and state..."

rAmen, brothers.

Arrr, Matey. Piracy be the Scourge of the... Technology Industry.

2005-11-07T13:50:00.000-05:00

When it comes to music, movies or TV shows these days, people have more options then ever on how, where and when to enjoy their chosen entertainment. There's a series of commercials on TV these days advertising a service that will let you watch NHL Hockey games on your cellphone. Apple's iPod and it's accompanying iTunes music store have revolutionized the way music is both sold and heard.And PVR services like TiVo make a good ole' VCR look positively restrictive.

Enjoy it while you can.

Ars Technica, an excellent tech-news and review site, has been following developments in US Congressional legislation, and the relationship those legislators have with the companies collectively referred to as "Big Content" (the makers/producers/distributors of most mainstream TV, music and movies). These two groups are getting together again to try and control what you can record, how you can record it, and what you can do with it once it's recorded.

And when I say 'control', what I really mean is 'stop'.

One of the more recent Ars articles is here. Follow some of the links within that article to get a bigger picture of the whole thing. It actually looks pretty ugly. Ken 'Caesar' Fisher, one of the main dudes over at Ars and the author of the linked article has this to say about it:

"These laws aren't about piracy...

Someday, if the MPAA gets its way, you are going to pay for the right to timeshift (or for the right to placeshift). You are going to pay for the right to move videos to your iPod or to your PSP. No one cares if you spent US$20 on that Blu-ray disc. In 5 years, you'll be lucky if you can even play stuff you've purchased without relicensing it. Look at ringtones. Here we're talking about a related industry that wants to scare people into paying for ringtones, even if they already have an album with the song they want on it. Ringtones! Are you kidding me?"

So why should a Canadian care about this? Because the US dominates the technology industry. Say all you want about Japanese forms leading the way in innovation, the US is still the marketplace for consumer electronics, and the marketplace calls the shot. If the US congress dictates, as they are considering doing, that any recording device imported to the US have the ability to recognize a 'do not record' signal embedded in the source content and thus stop you from recording it, then the VCRs, PVRs and similar devices available to Canadians will have the exact same thing.

So you say, "But I don't pirate stuff. What do I care?" Ah, but under Big Content's definition, you DO pirate stuff. When you make a mix tape of songs from CDs you legally purchased, you're pirating. When you tape "Lost" on Wednesday night, so that you can watch it at the cottage on the weekend, you're pirating. And when you video tape your cousin dancing to "Unchained Melody" as the first song of her wedding, you pirate copyrighted material every time you duplicate that tape for a family member.

Ridiculous, you say? That's not what they're trying to do, you say? They're just trying to protect their rights, you say? Think again.

The RIAA is already suing people who did nothing more than download a couple of songs for personal use. They have already raided stores which sell perfectly legal, independantly produced content and had those stores shut down. And they have already arrested and charged a teenager who wanted nothing other than to be able to watch his legally purchased DVD on his own home PC.

This is not about rights, it's about control.

If you're American, write your congressman or senator, and tell them to stop this nonsense. If you're Canadian, keep your eyes peeled and your ears open. It's only a matter of time.

Extra Toppings... er... Topics

2005-11-04T16:00:00.000-05:00

My friend V. had trouble with posting a comment (I've had trouble with Blogger's comment posting utility myself in the past) so emailed it to me instead...

You should know that it's alleged that the Domino's founder has funded
radical Right to Life groups for years (I mean the ones who send snipers
after doctors). That's why I have never and will never order Domino's.

Yikes! That's some serious accusin' there, V!

And it turns out to be, at least partly, true. Thomas Monaghan is indeed a staunch Catholic and supports right-wing, fundamentalist groups and anti-abortion advocacy groups like Operation Rescue.

But, as is cleared up in this snopes.com article, Tommy himself isn't involved with Domino's anymore. He sold it off to some nameless, faceless, souless mega-corporation a few years ago. My pepperoni pennies no longer promote the papists.

Hooray! I'm ordering pizza tonight!

The I.D.ers haven't all retired, though. The Dover Panda Trial is in full swing, and my new personal hero Eric Rothschild toasted one of I.D.s chief goons on the stand this week. Randi's got a great bit about it in his commentary this week, and there's a cool series of articles on this ongoing affront to reason here.

Your Universe Created In 30 Minutes Or It's Free

2005-11-04T10:35:00.000-05:00

I've ranted about ID before. Religion!= Science.

But now, the great evolution vs. intelligent design debate is starting to affect me, personally. Let me explain...

I've ordered pizza from Pizza Pizza for years. Then, this past summer, a truly atrocious incident of customer service caused me to flip over to Domino's. Although a tad more expensive, their pizza is tasty, and the service has been excellent.

But now I've read this article, which states that most of the financial support for the ID movement can be traced back to Thomas Monaghan, who founded Domino's Pizza.

That's right. The reason their pizza is so good is because they've got God on their side. You'd think, with the Italian influence on their food, that they'd rather have the help of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Now I seriously begin to question ordering from Domino's anymore. I really, really don't like to think that my dollars are, even indirectly, going on to support this cloth-headed, backwards thinking, misleading and even downright evil bunch of goons.

But... I love pizza. I mean, really. I order pizza about once a week, and usually order enough that I have leftovers and can enjoy pizza again within the next day or two. But Pizza Pizza is run by incompetents, and Domino's is trying to deny centuries of the advancement of reason and knowledge.

And I don't like 2-4-1. Or Pizza Hut.

What's a guy to do?

Regarding the title of this post: I am aware that Domino's no longer offers a time guarantee. They did for years, but stopped because, as I was told by a guy taking my order on the phone one evening, "some guy died in a car accident, trying to deliver his pizza on time."

2005-10-31T12:55:00.000-05:00

So, I was watching "Real Time With Bill Maher" on the weekend. He mentioned a little pop duo called Prussian Blue. They're young teenage girls who made the news for being told they were not allowed to perform at some state fair somewhere. Why not? Well, aside from the fact that their music sucks, it seems they are white supremacists.

That's their photo on the right. Cute, huh? I like the smiley-face Hitler.

Scary, scary stuff. I did a little websurfing for info on them after I watched the show. I am now ashamed to have some of those URLs in my browser history. You know those banner ads that say things like "Click here to support families left homeless by the hurricane" or "help Americans who lost family in the war"? Well, these ones say "...support WHITE families left homeless..." and "help WHITE Americans...". It's just so... BLATANT. I guess I knew stuff like that was out there, but I never actually looked at any of it before. Crazy.

Anyway I started thinking about people down in troubled areas of the world, being offered aid by some racist-backed organization, and finding themselves in the position of starving or accepting aid from these brain-dead bastards. And I thought... hey, buddy. TAKE THEIR MONEY. Take as much of it as they will give. If at all possible, bankrupt the bastards. Then, when they come to you to help them with their cause or whatever, tell them in no uncertain terms to F*** Off.

And don't for an instant feel guilty about it.

Oh, and do not - even out of curiosity - listen to Prussian Blue's music. I've taken that bullet for us, and only barely lived to tell the tale. Seriously, I don't normally speak this harshly about children, but as these two are apparently aryanist knuckleheads I'll come right and say that it's god-awful caterwauling mixed with off key droning over dead-fingered acoustic guitar noodling. And those are the "sample" tracks they offer to people who might be interested in buying a cd. Presumably, the rest is worse.

Back To The Ole Gravestone

2005-10-27T15:51:00.000-04:00

I'm doing another Haunted House this weekend. If any of you have small children that you want to traumatize, please bring them to:

Chris Gibson Arena
125 McLaughlin Rd. N.
Brampton
(N of Queen/E side of McLaughlin)
6:00-9:00PM
Saturday, October 29, 2005.

Remember: teaching your child to go into a dark room filled with strange men in unusual costumes is a good idea. If nothing else, it will help prepare them for this.

Earthquake Proof?

2005-10-24T12:00:00.000-04:00

For no reaon whatsoever, here's a scale model of the city of San Francisco made entirely out of Jell-O.

These Kids Today...

2005-10-23T15:06:00.000-04:00

Saturday night, I terrorized small children.

Some of them cried.

And I'm getting paid for it.

The City of Brampton is having a series of Haunted Houses for Hallowe'en, and I was one of a large number of people who put one on at Chris Gibson arena on Saturday night. It was quite an operation. We built what was basically a big maze, decorated, lit it, haunted it for three hours as troops of kids went through, and then tore it all down and loaded it into a truck. They'll do it again next Thursday, and I'll join them again for Saturday.

The thing is, for the most part, the kids were total wimps.

Or maybe it's the parents. I don't know. But these kids - 8, 9, 10 years old some of them - cried, screamed and refused to go through. The parents were just as bad, asking at one point if they could just walk their kids through the maze without any one in it, so that it wouldn't be too scary. The manager of the facility sent a message over that someone had said it was too scary, and could we tone it down.

Too scary?

It's a HAUNTED HOUSE people!

I shouldn't be surprised. years ago Todd McGinnis and I wrote 'Haunted House' shows for the city, which were put on at the Peel Heritage Complex (the old Brampton Jail.) A fairly tame show, we thought. Some kids didn't make it even half way through. Plenty of little ones cried and screamed. One angry parent threatened to sue the city.

Let's make it clear: we're not putting on some kind of gorefest, here. We didn't have fancy pyro effects, there was no burning pit of hell here. It was a bunch of folks in (mostly) off the shelf hallowe'en costumes standing in the dark screaming 'Boo!'.

Too scary.

Here's my word of advice to the parents of the world: if your kid can't handle these Haunted Houses, take him to more of them. Show him the Exorcist and The Omen. Read him the ORIGINAL Grimm fairy tales. Hell, wake him up in the middle of the night wearing a wolfman costume. By the time the kid turns ten, he should feel completely blase about things like this. Or this. Or even this.

Don't Mess With Me, I Know Karate

2005-10-20T21:05:00.000-04:00

Well, Karate and I have a passing aquaintance, anyway.

I went with my brother to "Bring A Friend" night at the dojo at which he regularly trains. What a blast.

I've never done anything like this before. By "like this" I mean "involving physical exertion". So this was a very new experience for me. I had done some stage combat training for a couple of shows in the past, including some reasonably intense martial-arts based training for a production of Henry IV part 1, but this was... well... real.

We started with just some calisthenic type exercises. After about three minutes, I was ready to die. My brother did 50 stride jumps, 25 push-ups and 25 sit-ups in about a minute and a half. I hadn't finished the stride jumps yet. I gave up on the push-ups. I never started the sit-ups.

But after that it settled down. Learn a simple punching technique. Repeat ten times. Now a block. Repeat. And a kick. Repeat. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

This stuff was fun. And in about ten minutes, I really felt that I'd learned something. Nothing earth shattering, or particularly impressive, but something I didn't know when I walked in the door. This stuff, I liked.

Next was defense training. Some guy's choking you, what do you do? Now he's grabbed your wrist. Now your shoulder. We learned a bunch of basic break-away techniques, probably the same kind of stuff that they teach at any self-defense course, but here they have cool Japanese names.

Then we watched a couple of black-belts do their test katas, which were very impressive. Finally, we got some words of theory and encouragement from Kiyoshi Chris Doyle. "Kiyoshi" is kind of like Sensei, meaning teacher, only more. This guy is a seventh degree black belt, an honour he earned in Okinawa, where they take this stuff pretty seriously.

All in all, it was cool. And nobody better mess with me. Unless they've had TWO classes.

Abra Cadabra, Baby

2005-10-19T16:03:00.000-04:00

I don't know about you, but I can't wait to hear what Gord has to say about this.

My guess is it won't be this girl.

You BASTARDS.

2005-10-15T13:25:00.000-04:00

What did I say? Hmm? Were you even listening to me?

I quite clearly told you to go see 'Serenity'. I don't think I could have been any clearer on the matter. Did you listen? No. $23 Million worldwide gross so far. That's not enough, people. The budget was over $35 Million. Sure they'll pick up some revenue in aftermarket sales, but not enough.

Look. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "But I never saw the show!"

You don't need to.

You're thinking "I don't know any of the stars."

Sure you do. Ron Glass was the black guy on Barney Miller. Adam Baldwin was the big bully with the heart of gold in "My Bodyguard." And Gina Torres was in the last Matrix movie, and is married to Lawrence "Don't Call Me Larry" Fishburn.

You're thinking "I don't like Sci Fi."

Yes you do. We already established that you watched the Matrix, right?

You're thinking "But I only like movies with Hot Chicks."

Well, how about her. Or her. Or her.

So quit your whining and go see this movie. More than once. If this doesn't become one of those long-running sleeper hits, you and I will have words.

And don't even get me started on how you're not watching Arrested Development...

Success!

2005-10-04T17:30:00.000-04:00

I have completed Hapland 2. Way tougher than the first one, in my opinion.

Whew. I need a beer.